I’m troubled by the “bad” top talk.

And the notion that most sincere people are doing the best they can at any given moment.

And what about a top that wants to be true to who they think they are?

I remember some shit going ’round about me and my “aftercare”. Well you know what? I don’t DO aftercare. Not in the ways that I see it being done by many people. I know that I have things about how I run friendships that others find intolerable. Fine. If you need me to call your ass once a week so that you know I’m your friend… it ain’t gonna happen.

What we need and want as individuals isn’t always a match to what others want or expect from us.

As tops and bottoms both, when a person says to us “this is the way it is” or “you did this and I feel that” sometimes it is an opportunity to get clear about ourselves and the other. To dig around inside of ourselves. As I’ve said before (prompted by experiences with a particular person in the community) I should know better than to expect that snake to hop like a bunny. And snakes are fine. Just ask a herpetologist. If you think your top/bottom is one and it starts to display traits of the other… perhaps one needs to do an internal check-in.

I’m not making sense. I’m distracted by needing to get to the airport.

I can’t help but think if we did more of these conversations face to face as groups that we woudl all be better for it.

 

I was birthed into public BDSM/kink/leather and have grown up in Vancouver. Prior to that I was practicing D/s in private in Alberta without context or community or vernacular. I just made the shit up. When I moved to Vancouver and came out publicly into BDSM, I looked around and described it to myself as percussion-focussed.

I remember my first party though (as opposed to club night). Studio Q. There were a group of women sitting in chairs in the middle of the room upstairs. And one of the women was talking and holding a cigar and she had her feet on the back of a woman who was stretched out on the floor writing in a journal. It looked like HOME and evoked what I had been doing while in Edmonton privately. And I remember thinking something like: “Those are my people. I’m not alone. There are others who do this too.” It has haunted me ever since and never been fully realized. There is a longing. Perhaps for a fantasy…. but I know others in other places who do it…

Continue reading »

 

I was talking last night with a dominant who had recently split with their ______ (I don’t know what the word is for their thing). And she was talking about the absence and how to be around the person would cause her to break into tears.

And we talked about how those deep exchanges are SO qualitatively different in their absence than when breaking up with a “lover” or “girlfriend” or “partner”.

I’ve experienced my “addiction” being bigger than “love”. I can certainly jones in the absence of ANY Love… if that makes sense.

While at Leather Reign there was a session on the “dark pudding” of topping. Those times when we feel the need to go deeper and further and it feels like we might get swept up and do so happily regardless of the BIGGER consequences be they community, social, familial, legal, etc.

Deep D/s is manifested in my mind’s eye as plunging my fist past a person’s mortal barriers to grab onto a viceral organ and haul it out bleeding to feast on. It feels that primal. And I work HARD to keep that in check. Sometimes it feels like I will BURST out of my skin and pieces will fly and this creature will stride the road displaying its guts for all to see. One more drink. One more hit. One more spoonful. One more rep. One more…

And because I CAN’T get that deep I’m always hungry. And frequently, to take the edge off I will dumpster dive into connections which on the surface at the play party, the house party, behind closed doors probably LOOK hawt but aren’t that nutritious. And sometimes I get a REALLY good meal. But that doesn’t happen often and it costs me a lot (physically, emotionally, spiritually, psychically) and makes me SO much more aware of what I’m missing. Many times I find myself being anorexic about the whole thing as a way of coping.

Which is all a way of saying that this thing sometimes SCARES me.

 

A dominant I know was writing a while back about the Pandora’s Box of deep D/s that leaves a dominant in a place of unsatisfied want and need for energetic connection.

I remember a period of time when I discovered needles. In fact, what it was was a scene where a woman was being stapled. And the gun was offered to me. And I did it… and this HUGE THING reared it’s head at me and I had to walk away. I was VERY shaken and didn’t go near bloodsports for over a year. And just being around it caused my poor senses to start going on overload.

I remember being in this nasy funk after a SPECTACULAR weekend and having the person I was with look at me and say “Top Drop, Ma’am?” that moment has stuck with me.

Continue reading »

Tight Red Rubber

 Uncategorized  No Responses »
Feb 282008
 

So.

I have a passion for latex and I finally bit the bullet to purchase a sweet little dress with matching shoulder gloves. YAY! Mama’s first rubber **drool**

So I’m now looking for your favorite tips, tricks, cautions and pieces of advice.

Are you a fan of talc on the inside of everything?
In the shower to put it on and take it off?
Thin layer of silicone inside to get it on and outside to buff it up?
Cleaning? Care? Feeding? Displaying? Storing?

Bring it on! This is a new area of indulgence that I’ve only ever been able to sample in the past. As a new owner I’m looking for the inside scoop!

First wearing is planned for Midoris’ Bang 4 the Buck tomorrow (Friday) or possibly the Seattle Arts Festival the next night…

And if I get me good tips I’ll try to get a pic and post it.

Deal?

 

I just downloaded a Butler’s Book from Iron Rose:
http://www.iron-rose.com/IR/library.htm

It was several days ago. With an eye to creating a “Care and Feeding of Kona” manual. I have it in Word format.

Tell me, what do YOU think should be in the book? What would be on a list of things that would be helpful for to the person in service to you to know or be clear about? Remember! This manual is about about the care of a Dominant…

 

What a good time. I feel more balanced and centred and grounded than I have in a while. I’m inspired to continue the conversation live and in person through D/s dinners. Anyone interested?

So in addition to the several sessions described in the list below, I also did the following two brown bag luncheons. And I brought back handouts for everything that had ‘em!

:: NCSF – http://www.ncsfreedom.org (Robyn Friedman, Allena Gabosch and Jim Duvall)

    :: Parental Power Dynamics (Lee Harrington and Satin)

Continue reading »

 

I’m getting all warmed up to go to Leather Reign. And of course I can’t sleep ’cause I have to take a bus at 5:30 a.m.

I’ve been having conversations lately with someone that centre around “Leather”. Recently we were talking about “Leather Families”. Not having had the option/opportunity to experience “Old Guard” gay men’s leather, my sense has come from readings, tellings and scant personal experience.

Do you you have a Leather Family? What makes it something that you woudl use those words to describe it? How did it come to be? Are they useful? Relevant? What does it look like? How does it operate? Initiation rites?

I appreciate that this may be deeply personal and request that if you are willing to share but not publicly, that you contact me directly.

I seven hours I’ll be embarking on a two-day theory conference of “Leather Life” called Leather Reign. I’m just getting started early with my thinking.

Feb 062008
 

I beleive firmly in two things connected to D/s life:

1) a bottom/submissive/charge/slave/property has ONE overriding responsibility: To protect the property. Which is to say… themselves. Protect and hold it in trust for the person they are presently in service to and/or the one of the future.

2) as a top/dominant/master/owner that my primary responsibility in ongoing associations is to leave those in my care in better shape than when we came together.

Continue reading »

 

Ah…. to see myself…

Loving these galleries:
http://www.bayareawoc.com/LARRYUTLEY2.html (chemistry baby)
http://www.bayareawoc.com/LARRYUTLEY.html (pure chemisrty)

http://www.bayareawoc.com/SHILO%20MCCABE.html (**sigh**)

http://www.bayareawoc.com/REFA.html (yummy art)
http://www.bayareawoc.com/DARLING3.html (pretty in pink!)

 

I went to this last year and was, generally, pleased by the content. It was nice to go to a conference that was more than 101 in a variety of areas. http://www.leatherreign.org

If you missed Leather Reign last year, you missed the start of a great addition to the Seattle area BDSM community. They are still lining up presenters for 2008 but so far our confirmed presenters include Fifth Angel, Robert Rubel, Lee Harrington, Robyn Friedman, Scott Smith, Coral Mallow, and master Bob and slave jan.

Leather Reign is intended to address three core areas;

1) Why we do what we do, what is in it for us? – This may involve some technique, but the focus will be on why it is done instead of how. Last year master Skip presented his Thunder Kiss workshop which is an excellent example of this type of class.

2) Dominance and Submission/Mastery and Slavery/Service topics – These topics will include subjects such as the way relationships are structured, the calling to a BDSM role, the formalities of service etc.

3) How-to at the 201 level and above – These will include different forms of edge play, advanced techniques, or creative forms of BDSM.

This is gonna be juicy…

 

I remember a period of time when I discovered needles. In fact, what it was was a scene where a woman was being stapled. And the gun was offered to me. And I did it… and this HUGE THING reared it’s head at me and I had to walk away. I was VERY shaken and didn’t go near bloodsports for over a year. And just being around it caused my poor senses to start going on overload.

I remember being in this nasy funk after a SPECTACULAR weekend and having the person I was with look at me and say “Top Drop, Ma’am?” that moment has stuck with me.

I have to dash. I’d left half my groceries at the store at bus ride away in the rain. But I’ll be back. Hopefully others will have waded in by then.

 

Reminder to self and others:

I use the word “slave” and “owner” and “master” as a convenient point of reference. I prefer “Dominant” and “Charge” and “in-service”.

Frankly, for me, as a black woman, Slave and master are pretty fucking loaded (which is not a conversation I ever hear. Does anyone else think about that?).

 

Huh. I did one of those online test things:
Do you have an inclination for BDSM?

I’d like to know what questions put me into what category. There are a bunch of things that I answered in the middle because they weren’t clear enough to me, and quite a few where I answered not at the poles but one over becuase I am not HARDCORE and finite about certain things. A certain someone was over my shoulder as I did this. Now I am being teased….
Continue reading »

 

Went to the meeting last night. Everyone worked hard to ensure a smooth transition.

It was good though under attended. A steering committee was self-selected and a broad framework for moving forward was sketched out. There is progress and, in the room last night, an ABUNDANCE of good will.

I sent this to BIOEvents today:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Great job guys!

I have a few reference points for what you are doing, but still I know that I am unable to really appreciate how big a decision it is to give over something that you have invested so much time and energy into. Bravo for taking care of yourself after so many years of taking care of everyone else.

I look forward to being an active participant in the new VD (eeewwww!) organization and to supporting the endeavors that the two of you dream up in the YEARS to come.

Much success to you both. It has been earned with an abundance of sweat equity and is well deserved.

 

FINAL CALL OUT:
Community Meeting for Vancouver Dungeon

Date: Wednesday, July 4th
Time: 7:00
Location: Given with Confirmation of RSVP
Directions: Given with Confirmation of RSVP

This meeting is being held to elect a board for Vancouver Dungeon and for us to give details of what is being donated to the community.

If you would like to be a part of shaping the future of Vancouver Dungeon, this is the night to be present. If you can not make it in person, then send a proxy.

There will be limited space. Please RSVP by Tuesday, July 3rd.
We look forward to a good show of support and interest from the community.

Agenda points:

* What intelectual property is BIO giving the community.
* What internet property is BIO giving the community.
* BIO explains the marketing opportunities to Vancouver Dungeon.
* BIO’s offer of a start package for the initial events
* BIO’s offer of its advice and sugestions
* Election of a temporary board of directors
* Set the next meeting date, time and place.

 

I describe myself as being Kinda Stoney.

I use that in relation to my physical body and in relation to my emotional self as well.

As a low-femme who likes cisfemale folk who express themselves or live along the masculine spectrum this can be a *little* challenging.
Continue reading »

 

So.

I just came back from Leather Reign and my brain is FUCKING full. I really wish there had been folks form the boards present.

The conference was primarily Theory based (*wet*) as opposed to technique. While many of the classes were of a 101 nature, thre were some damed good sessions andd a lot of great presenters.

My weekend was all about Catherine Gross. http://www.bdsmclasses.com/home.htm

Friday night my escort and I joined a couple of LD members in a private class with Catherine. Very interestingway to start the conference. Wode ranging and extremely personal.

Saturday I attended M/s Philosophies. Sunday I attended Contracts, Collars andd Commitents as well as Service Movement.

LOTS to think about. And it has again sparked my hunger for a theory-based conference in Vancouver and for more conversation in general. It underscored what I have said for sometime now, which is that I am in this for the long haul. This is not a hobby.

More later. I have a dinner party to attend in about 15 minutes.

 

There’s a great survey at the end….

THE DOMINATRIX FACTOR

A little S&M on the job can take you a long way – No whips or chains are needed, but women with fantasies of getting ahead can put role-playing to smart use, a new book suggests

The Globe And Mail
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Page: C1
Section: Report On Business: Globe Careers
Byline: Marjo Johne
Source: SPECIAL TO THE GLOBE AND MAIL

MARJO JOHNE Special to The Globe and Mail

Her co-worker was being bad again, so Lisa Robyn set out to punish him.

Tired of his habit of keeping work-related problems a secret — and then letting everyone else clean up his mess — Ms. Robyn shamed him into ‘fessing up at the next meeting.

Exposed and penitent, her colleague fell to his knees in front of everyone, and begged Ms. Robyn’s forgiveness.

“That kneeling part made me laugh, because he was actually just joking,” Ms. Robyn recalls. “But the power — the feeling that I had complete domination over him — that was real.”

Ladies, say hello to the corporate dominatrix.
Continue reading »

 

1> What do your BDSM scene friends call you?
It depends on their relationship to me. Lady Kona, Ma’am, Kona, Mama… Imp, brat-top, scary, intimidating, sadistic, … LOL!

1b> What would you like for us to call you?
I think Kona would do just fine

2> How old are you? Location? Race?
This year I’ll be turning 38! I have no idea how that happened that I am almost 40… I’m in Vancouver,  BC Canada. I am of Guyanese, South American decent on both sides. First one born outside of the country (Edmonton, Alberta, Canada) on both sides for a few generations.

2b> Are you Male, Female, TV, TS Pre-op, TS Post-Op?
Cis-female all the way. All original parts still accounted for.

2c> Are you Straight? Bi? Gay? Unsure?
I am often gay – especially if there is sunshine – but I identify as a Femme-Dyke

2d> Are you Dominant? Submissive? Switch? Or Undecided?
Non-switching Dominant Top

2e> Are you single? Looking? Married? Married but looking? Polyamorous?
I’m single and currently courting someone who may have primary potential.

3> Are you looking to meet someone from this group?
That depends. I don’t know anyone form the group as yet! Played a little BDSM CSI with Mr. Worf but we didn’t approach it as partners… which might have made it go easier on us… LOL!

4> Do you participate in munches? (a munch is a meeting/lunch gathering)
I used to go to EVERY munch in my area. I don’t do this anymore. I may do it in the future. I consider it from time to time. They are normally, in this area, attended by hetero-focussed folks. Not a lot of dykes. When I travel, if there is a munch I definitely make an effort to attend.

5> Do you participate in BDSM play in public? We often have parties at a local dungeon. Would you be interested in participating?
I attend one or two parties a month. Some are public. Some are private. Some are personal. Sometimes attend BDSM-lite fetish events as well. I’m on the local DM Team so sometimes I show up to socialize and/work. If I was in your area, I’d certainly post and would make every effort to attend a party if the dates worked. Increasingly I’m willing to travel to be in POC play spaces. In the the fall of 2007 I travelled to New York to attend one.

6> How long have you been exploring BDSM? How long have you been actively participating in BDSM?
Wow. Well, I was  for more than five years before I came out publically 10 years ago. Longer if I think about it. That doesn’t include things I did as a young adult, youth or child. and have been in the public scene for about 10 years. When I came out I had to LEARN percussive and “BDSM” play because that’s not what I was doing! I was into the juiciness of power exchange/dynamics.

7> Do you like physical pain? Or do you enjoy the psychological aspects of bondage?
HUH? I’m a sadist. I enjoy playing with the energy that can come out of bondage… but that’s not the question you’re asking me. Right?

8> Are you a exhibitionist or voyeur?
I regard myself as neither. I consider myself to be a participant.

9> What does BDSM mean to you?
That’s a pretty big question. Especially these days. I recently did a Femme Domme mentoring intensive for three days with an Elder racialized leather dyke. It fucked me up and I’m still recovering. Ask me when the water has slowed it’s swirling.

10> If you could add a question to this survey what would it be?
Have you considered or can you articulate your relationship to BDSM as a person of colour living in the Americas (North, South and points in between)?

11> How did you first hear about BDSM?
I’m not even certain to be honest. I probably didn’t start really looking at the vernacular and the meanings of the component parts until I came out publicly. I had no words. I had seen some things which Identified as edgy sexually… and I figured that they had to be who I was or at least constituent parts since I OBVIOUSLY wasn’t like my peers or what I saw in the media…

12> How did you hear about Mahogany?
I was cruising around the Dark Connections site. I’ve had it bookmarked for years and have visited every once in a while to see about changes and continue reading content i hadn’t read before. And i came across this link! I’m really focussed these days on growing my connection to other POC that are interested in BDSM.

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