Took a serious break from my learning path this year. Life indeed what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.
I committed myself at the beginning of the year to expanding my understanding, skill and network of people – locally and afield – in the area of Dominance/submission and of master/slave.
I consider what I do a craft. A path to which I have committed my passion.
Soon I’ll be on my way to Black Beat. A conference I’ve been wanting (and fearing) to attend for five years or so.
I can’t wait to surround myself with black kinksters. To be able to walk into a space where I don’t have to explain so many things about how the wind blows with me or ignore them altogether.
Sometimes I forget that I’m black. And I move through the world as if I have the same rights and am viewed the same as everyone else. Then I remember. Or am reminded.
Exchange continues… Mama is getting paid.
Today:
Lesbianism is the heart … submission is the soul
One can deny the heart .. but one can not deny the soul
So generous an offering to me
I really respect those who root around inside themselves
.
More reflection and further conversation about the D/s Dinner/salon I hosted on April 22.08 led me think a little more about this:
And remember this:
All because today I had yet another communication commenting on how my personal choice of language about my personal stuff was disturbing. And once again I had to make it clear that I was talking about the two square feet that I stand on and the skin that I inhabit.
How is it that we as a community can talk about Rape Play and Littles and scenes that involve heavy amounts of blood and it’s OK? We even seem to be working on moving through Trans issues – which has been TOUGH and ROUGH. How is it that folks can talk about these things being important to them and having space for them and whether they are SSC/RACK and people actually stick around for the discussion?
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Tough night for me. And that’s the truth not the hype. I went in feeling physically unwell and found myself being psychically attacked. Ah well… skunks have no idea about the impact on the world around them either. Which doesn’t excuse but it is the fact.
I was engaged in the second of a quarterly series of conversations: The D/s Dinner/salon. At the point that things slid sideways in the conversation for me, I was trying to respond to something that a top was commenting on around why people come to the scene (and D/s) but don’t stay.
And in my long-winded getting-myself-in-trouble-again way what was on my mind was that what is obvious when folks walk into a play space is the activity of BDSM which in it’s complex manifestations can trigger the psyche of people. And that if one is interested, as I was when I came to the scene, in the dynamics that can occur between intimates, that can be troublesome. Because those like-minded people are present, but one may have to acclimate to things that are troubling in order to make those connections. And that can feel like walk through goose shit covered grass to get to the beach.
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How amazing.
I think I can safely say that folks were challenged and learned and came away with food for thought.
Many thanks to all that showed up and to those who had good intent but were unable to attend. A lot of the women who attended the first one were present and there were a lot of new faces too. The conversation was such that I didn’t count until after things had officially ended and at that time there were 14 people still hanging onto the conversation.
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One of the attendees took some notes and agreed to have them published. Wasn’t that kind?
There’s some good food for thought in them. Questions that deserve to be answered. Tasty.
Many thanks for the generosity.
Is it possible that my personal experience of prostituting my charge – which was very much based in D/s with all kinds of BDSM – wasn’t… real? authentic? wrong? what? What was I engaging in?
Goodness… there certainly is a lot of the “Church of the One True Way” around… Can Pimps be Dominants? Can pimps/prostitutes be in the lifestyle? YEESH. The people I talk to…
Do any of you KNOW any Sex Trade Workers? ‘Cause I know a pile. For some it is supplemental, others it is recreational, others it is a practice/craft, and for some it is about food and shelter. For some it is a mix. However, none of the people I know (females, males, M2F, F2M) are “street entrenched” which I **think** is where this conversation tends to be located without specification. The way I know these people? Through the local, PNW and international conference circuit’s BDSM community. Yes. There is representation of POCs in there too.
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April Showers and Sweats!
**please feel free to cross-post and distribute appropriately**
Invite others to join us or distribute this link: http://tinyurl.com/3t3yw
This is the first in a series of serious conversations about D/s
On April 22, 2008 the second of an intended quarterly series of D/s Dinner/salons will take place. The intent is to come together to discuss the cerebral (D/s) as opposed to the technical (bdsm) side of some what we all find more than just a little bit HAWT.
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The fact is that when a group of “friends” get together, they don’t have to think of anyone but themselves. They are friends. The fact that all of you move through the same dungeon doesn’t automatically make you their friend or make them yours. And their movement (hate the us vs them thing) doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with large “C” Community.
No one likes to be on the outside. And I speak as one who IS on the outside of one of those groups. I have some access, at different points through different people, but I know I’m not square in the middle. I don’t get invited to everything. I don’t join the movie watching parties. I don’t go on the shopping trips. And I’m OK with that. I can only manage so many friendships in my life. I only want so many people that I have to call and write and go to coffee with really. I’m a private person and my home is small so not many people have been to my house. And, frankly, there are people out there that I would eat a meal across from, but don’t want in my home. That doesn’t mean they are bad people or that I am either. Not everyone gets to see my messy kitchen, OK? Friendships either click or grow. What makes you think you should get an all access pass? And do you want EVERYONE you see in the dungeon to have one to your life?
Volunteer. Smile. Introduce yourself politely. Find ways to drop your name into conversations if you think the people you want to hang out with might not have your firmly in your mind. DON’T be obsequious. Ask a question. Provide an answer. Invite them to hang out with you and yours. Smile. Be sociable. Participate with pleasure. Be a team player. Ask how you can help instead expecting others to serve it up. The rules for getting “in” if that is what is important, aren’t any different than they are in the rest of the world.
And remember… just because we all share the same interests, and just because it is useful/fun/beneficial/politic etc for us to come together, doesn’t mean we have to send each other greeting cards for birthdays and during the holidays. And really, do you want to have close personal ties with EVERYONE in the dungeon? Or just that group over there that you perceive have something you don’t? Consider WHY it is you want what you do.
Cause if “Community” is just them…. what about me? Don’t I count too?
Here are my notes from the first session. More questions than answers… I regret that I wasn’t so clever as to have included attributions. Which sucks because in both cases the knowledge in the room was humbling:
Questions were asked in a forum:
This “protection” you have over your subs..does this include protection when they do shyt or say shyt thats not a reflection of your words or actions?? Do you allow the whips to fall on them as they may from their actions without protection? Or do you expect the respect of being approached by the one he/she has disrespected or the infraction has been brought up against??
I was telling a friend of mine a little about that and we both agreed on one thing. Touch mine? And I will kill you, and kill you, and kill you, and kill you…and then when you are dead I will kill you some more before I kill you one more time. NO ONE touches mine. PERIOD.
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Dark Connections is an online group I’ve recently begun to look at. They asked me three questions about joining an online forum for POCs.
Message from Darque who is a person who posts over on the Yahoo Group for Black BDSMers: Dark Connections
Ok I ‘m pitching this one out to everyone that considers themselves a part of the Community. I’ve been looking at various posts, blogs and opinions and most of it is at the core complaining. Now venting can be theraputic but in the end sometimes a situation calls for actions.
Now I am not talking about anything grand actions on anyone’s part but what if each one of us did something, just something that uplifts or empowers the community. It can be attending a munch, actually being there to listen to someone, give someone pure advice, support a dungeon, reach out to one new person, let go of a grudge, anything pure of heart. Don’t do it to be seen, just do it because there was a need for it to be done. Do something and not take credit for it. Do something nice anonymously for someone. Just invest some pure goodwill.
I’m calling this Operation: Do Something, and if you believe in what I’m saying please use the graphic above and spread the word.
This community needs you, time to make it yours.
Darque
I exposed myself the other day (NO! Not like that!) And the friend listening asked me what an alternative Play Space that wasn’t so disturbing might look like (Ya. I know you are missing context. Deal with it).
I know this isn’t the first time that I have spoken about a desire for play spaces that have more room for D/s as opposed to being heavily S/M focussed.
My perfect play party would start early and end late in the morning with food appropriate food options in between. None of this four-hour party business. I wanna go home when I’m good and ready! Like I could sit down near a scene or a piece of furniture and it would be *normal* instead of intrusive or voyeuristic.
I’d want it to feel like home. I’d like there to be a variety of spaces so that one could feel like they were living their lives as opposed to scheduling their living. Ya know?
I think I want areas that resemble (or are) part of the house. A kitchen, a living room, laundry. I like the idea of being in a hyper-kink space that might allow for erotic training in domestic type things with the added bonus of people to help turn the badly behaved bottom upside down and it in the filling washing machine… Heh.
IS such a thing possible? Certainly Bride of Pride has spaces that accommodate puppies and Littles… is there room for other things? Is there a wider interest? What would it look like? What might occur there?
NubianImp Projects strives to: provide forums for advanced education and celebration (to strengthen the bonds within community, tribes and chosen-family) through sex-positive event production aimed at queers and their allies.
Vancouver Black (and POC) Arts, Culture & Activism (on Facebook)
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