Doing relationships with intentional power dynamics
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Thinking about Ritual -v- Protocol
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Mar 232009
The other day I was thinking about the differences between what counted as a protocol and what was in fact a ritual. This is in part prompted by a workshop I’m doing for MVK on April 4, 2009 called D/s 101
So I was musing about a past relationship wherein I had less language than I do now. In the end I’ve decided that what the boi and I had between us was protocol not ritual, and that those things served a similar purpose: to enhance and remind us of the weave between us.
I remember laughing with a friend dominant some time ago about how protocols were things that were the responsibility of the charge, while rituals where things that were the responsibility of the dominant. We both preferred the protocols, LOL!
I know of a dyke who has her submissive bring her a cane in the morning and they “tap” out a few stroke as a way of reminding and reinforcing their dynamic. I like the idea of a morning “tapping”.
Do you have any other weave builders/enhancers?
It has been only in the last four years or so that my notions of this type of play expanded beyond “adult baby” play (diapers, nursing, etc) and I always thought that sex was involved somehow. (Strange since my personal kinks don’t follow that kind of template.)
Personally, I have never thought of myself as doing “Little” play. Yes, I call myself “Mama”. And there are otheres who do the same. And yes I fulfill what I call an “Uber-Adult” role for many folks – strangers, aquaintences, colleagues, friends, lovers, family… I have also tended to regard myself as a Tormentrix(c) and I call myself a Nubian Imp(c). The “Little” aspect of this manifests itself as the bad babysitter or wicked big sister at times. “C” and I refer to these times as me having my “Imp Boots” on. Those who know me know what that is like! I can hear Uneek now, “Mama…. doooooon’t!” as I proceed to tease her by poking her bum or twirling her tresses in my fingers. Heheheheh…. I believe that too many adults have forgotten how to PLAY. How to access innocence and creativity. We could all do more of that!
So I go to this thing which is a monthly conversation among Dominants. Frankly, it’s among males Dominants and me. Very interesting. MEN. **sigh**
It’s good because the perspective is different and as a whole this group of people has thought about things differently than I have. I think I have more reference points. What it does is force me to be more articulate and to be more clear. Which is always a JOY.
I certainly don’t agree with all I hear, but I do scribble away at things that I want to think more about. Sometimes they come from other people, sometimes they are thoughts of my own that come out of what is being discussed.
Things from my notes to think about behind the cut:
Barely into the New Year and I’ve got many a plan up my sleeve already. Which surprises even me given the events of the fall.
In September I had major surgery (I was sick when I was at the conference) and have just returned to work now. But I’m still being a a fabulous kinky pervert!
Jan 152009
A plan is officially afoot to do the next D/s Dinner/salon. You can expect the gathering to occur the week of December 8 in the evening – most likely a private residence.
A library of D/s and M/s books will be on hand for casual perusal, along with a high level over view of the Leather Traditions Weekend Intensive for Dominants I just completed in San Fransisco (short and sweet I promise). More details to cum.
In the meantime… Are there any thoughts about what might go on the conversational agenda? Big thinks, little thinks, personal, community…
I’d be interested in talking about:
I’m starting to feel excited! My first trip to San Fran!
I’ll be arriving on Thursday, November 20, for Leather Traditions, a weekend intensive for Dominants which goes from the Friday to the Sunday. It’s got an application/reference process to get in and is limited to 25 people. I think it will add greatly to my year-long commitment to focusing on and investing in the furtherance of my D/s M/s knowledge.
The list of sessions includes the kind of geeky theory that makes me wet.
Age Play by Lee Harrington - Published by Greenery Press
I’ve got Littles in my life. And I’ve been known to haul out my own pre-pubescent bad-babysitter to torment those within my focus. In February 2008 I wet to a fab session facilitated by Lee, and a woman named Satin who is also a little.
Now he’s come out with a resource.
Lee Harrington has added to the pocket toybag series (Greenery Press) with an Ageplay book. First of it’s kind I would think. Picked up a copy at Little Sister’s here in Vancouver to add to my bookshelf. 100 pages of info and some resources too.
From the Greenery Press website:
Adult babies, sassy schoolgirls, bratty teens – all hold an honored place in the erotic roleplaying imagination of many adults. You’ll learn how to express yourself through your ageplay role, choose a level of play that feels safe yet exciting, negotiate to be sure your needs get met, and find great props and equipment to inspire your play.
Aug 112008
SO EXCITED!
Here’s my planned schedule for BlackBeat so far:
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Took a serious break from my learning path this year. Life indeed what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.
I committed myself at the beginning of the year to expanding my understanding, skill and network of people – locally and afield – in the area of Dominance/submission and of master/slave.
I consider what I do a craft. A path to which I have committed my passion.
Soon I’ll be on my way to Black Beat. A conference I’ve been wanting (and fearing) to attend for five years or so.
I can’t wait to surround myself with black kinksters. To be able to walk into a space where I don’t have to explain so many things about how the wind blows with me or ignore them altogether.
Sometimes I forget that I’m black. And I move through the world as if I have the same rights and am viewed the same as everyone else. Then I remember. Or am reminded.
Heart & Soul
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Apr 272008
Exchange continues… Mama is getting paid.
Today:
Lesbianism is the heart … submission is the soul
One can deny the heart .. but one can not deny the soul
So generous an offering to me
I really respect those who root around inside themselves
Apr 242008
Tough night for me. And that’s the truth not the hype. I went in feeling physically unwell and found myself being psychically attacked. Ah well… skunks have no idea about the impact on the world around them either. Which doesn’t excuse but it is the fact.
Apr 232008
How amazing.
I think I can safely say that folks were challenged and learned and came away with food for thought.
Many thanks to all that showed up and to those who had good intent but were unable to attend. A lot of the women who attended the first one were present and there were a lot of new faces too. The conversation was such that I didn’t count until after things had officially ended and at that time there were 14 people still hanging onto the conversation.
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Apr 232008
One of the attendees took some notes and agreed to have them published. Wasn’t that kind?
There’s some good food for thought in them. Questions that deserve to be answered. Tasty.
Many thanks for the generosity.
I have one word: LEECHES
It was cruel and terrible and fun. Would I have really done it? On some days I thought I would. But to do it I’d have to deal with the fuckers. Topping myself to mindfuck another is meeeeeeesssssed UP!
Remind me to tell you the story of a certain butch who was afraid of worms. One of the highlights of the story is that I SCREEEEAAAMED in the pet store. having the staff laugh at me is only funny in hindsight.
Apr 092008
Here are my notes from the first session. More questions than answers… I regret that I wasn’t so clever as to have included attributions. Which sucks because in both cases the knowledge in the room was humbling:
NubianImp Projects strives to: provide forums for advanced education and celebration (to strengthen the bonds within community, tribes and chosen-family) through sex-positive event production aimed at queers and their allies.
Vancouver Black (and POC) Arts, Culture & Activism (on Facebook)