Folks often have asked “what do you talk about?” The answer is “LOTS of things!”
I always provide a little food for thought for people to mull over in advance, but the conversation goes where the participants choose. As I always say: it’s a team sport. The success of the conversation relies on everyone contributing – and sometimes silence and silent witnessing adds a lot – and taking responsibility for what they bring to the group.
Here’s a sampling:
Saturday, March 28, 2009 – Private Residence
From February 26 – March 2, 2009 I was at South Plains LeatherFest in Dallas, Texas with ______. One of the sessions I attendedÂ was led by (Master) Skip Chasey and his slave, Rick. It was called Refining Fire. In it he made the case for SM as a transformative tool in D/s M/s relationships. As a way to build trust between partners and aid in the personal development of both. In particular, he points to four practices: percussion, invasion, bondage and edge play.
Regardless of role: Does/has the refining fire of intense (subjectively) SM ever resulted in transformative or cathartic experiences for you? How has this impacted your D/s M/s practice? Do/have the results effect your personal development or movement beyond the obvious reach of the session?
Thursday, December 11, 2008 – Private Residence
Question 1 – How do we find balance in our power relationships?
Sometimes in play dynamics, as much as we’d like them to end when we call the scene, have a funny habit of spilling over into our everyday lives. e.g. In Daddy/grrl play, Daddy is loving, comforting, reassuring, and takes care of the grrl’s needs. When returning to life, it can be difficult to pack those roles away and return to a completely equal dynamic, with no relinquishing of autonomy on one side or asserting overbearing control (“I’ll fix it for you because you can’t do it on your own” mentality) on the other. And those who do them for larger chunks of time or on an ongoing basis know thatÂ balance doesn’t just apply to dynamics that are time specific.
- Are there tricks of the trade, or techniques to ensure that those fantasies and roles we play out remain where agreed?
- How do we know when things are out of balance with one, both, or those outside of the dynamic?
- What are the blindspots/warning signs that things are out of balance?
- What do we do to contend with a lack of balance in our life (home, work, family, friends)?
Question 2 – What do we do when it ends?
- What does a D/s break-up look like for you and yours?
- Have you had positive experience, and if yes, what does that look like/feel like?
- If you haven’t had positive experience, what did you learn and how would you like it to go next time?
- What kind of communication skills does it take?
- What kind of communication skills would be helpful, would you like to learn in order to get your break-up needs met?
- Are there rituals or contractual agreements that can be included? What would they look like?
Tuesday, April 22, 2008 – Rhizome Cafe
Since January I’ve travelled extensively, and engaged in several in-person explorations. Several people in my life expressed an interest in hearing what went on.
On April 8, 2008 I asked a group of 13 women to join me in a preview conversation. It was electric. We ate yumminess, laughed, learned, shared, disagreed, clarified, asked, answered, informed, recounted, educated, offered, received, questioned. There was too much material to cover in one night, conversations ranged the spectrum of experience and topic, and we made it clear to each other that this must continue.
For those who care to listen I’ll provide a high-level download of some of the sessions I’ve attended in my travels as the frame to the evening’s discussion. This is NOT an invitation to a play party, but an opportunity to download information, exchange knowledge, and to share ideas. Come willing to stretch your brains.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008 – Private Residence
Since January I’ve travelled to LeatherReign in Redmond, Lupercalia in Edmonton, to an Archetypes workshop in Seattle, and engaged in several in-person explorations. I said I would make my notes and handouts available, and so here it is. This is NOT an invitation to a play party, but an opportunity to download information, exchange knowledge, and to share ideas. Come willing to stretch your brains.
For those who care to listen I’ll provide a high-level download of the sessions I’ve attended in my travels.