Sex & Gender » NubianImp Projects

On the Edge doesn’t have to Equal Abuse

Mar 142008

I go to public parties around town and before my friend -rl- got a hold of the DM team there was judgment and questioning about certain activities. Was it UNSAFE. Not always. Nope. Not at all. I actually remember a “you didn’t warm her up” admonishment.” Yeah. Oh! Did that flogger wrap? For some that is abuse, for some, that is hawt.

Devil’s Advocate as always.

Now, if part of what D/s tops and bottoms come together for is a touch of fear, and edge and to have boundaries pushed, then that statement from Bonnie *may* have very little substance to it. I don’t know. I recently had a boi I am playing with occasionally, state what she was capable of. Upon further exploration, it wasn’t about capability it was about limited experience, fantasy fear, and socially inscribed notions of what was appropriate. Well… Mama pushed past THAT! And there was thanks in the moment and continues to be thanks and there are requests to go further.

Tops aren’t perfect in D/s but neither are the person we play with. Errors in judgment can be made on both sides. And frankly, when it comes to emotional abuse, dominants aren’t the only ones who can dish it out frankly. I know a few submissive who are SKILLED at non-consensually **topping** a room or their partners.

The statement in Elaine’s scenario which tips the balance of what is going on is: “Toppy Tasha is scathingly dismissive of Bottom Bonnie’s ideas and theories, yet they’re not in a D/s playspace when this happens” There are a few assumptions to be worked out for me.

I think there is a deeper issue here frankly. One of how we attain knowledge to do the things we do. How many of us who engage in it flailed around on their own (top or bottom) with out guidance or best practices or mentors, etc. There’s a lot of trial and error out there informed by online life and one-handed reading.

That’s it for me. I gotta go to work.

Bang 4 the Buck and D/s Archetypes

Dykes, Sapphists & Other Cousins, Education, Our Thoughts > D/s & M/s, Sex & Gender No Responses »

Mar 132008

How much fun was THAT!

I’ve never been to Bang 4 the Buck. And being in the presence of over 200 women all lathered up and scantily dressed was certainly this side of heaven.

Saturday’s workshop was illuminating as I have frequently found Midori’s sessions to be. And as always I am struck by the what and the how. Why those archetypes? Why those questions for the mapping? What was excluded? What was considered but deemed non essential?

I always have a sense that the workshops begin at the beginning of the conversation but end part way through. At times moving to other conversations and then circling back again. Sometimes staying there too…

I find it juicy.

When people of color transition between genders

Sex & Gender, Writings on Race No Responses »

Feb 132008

from The Alternet

Becoming a Black Man

As more people of color transition between genders, the ways that racism is different for men and women come to the surface.

Louis Mitchell expected a lot of change when he began taking injections of hormones eight years ago to transition from a female body to a male one. He anticipated that heâ€™d grow a beard, which he eventually did and enjoys now. He knew his voice would deepen and that his relationship with his partner, family and friends would change in subtle and, he hoped, good ways, all of which happened.

What he had not counted on was changing the way he drove.

Within months of starting male hormones, â€œI got pulled over 300 percent more than I had in the previous 23 years of driving, almost immediately. It was astounding,â€ says Mitchell, who is Black and transitioned while living in the San Francisco area and now resides in Springfield, Massachusetts.

Targeted for â€œdriving while Blackâ€ was not new to Mitchell, who is 46 years old. For example, a few years before transitioning, he had been questioned by a cop for simply sitting in his own car late at night. But â€œhe didnâ€™t really sweat me too much once he came up to the car and divined that I was female,â€ Mitchell recalls.

Now in a Black male body, however, Mitchell has been pulled aside for small infractions. When he and his wife moved from California to the East Coast, Mitchell refused to let her drive on the cross-country trip. â€œShe drives too fast,â€ he says, chuckling and adding, â€œI didnâ€™t want to get pulled over. It took me a little bit longer [to drive cross country] â€˜cause I had to drive like a Black man. I canâ€™t be going 90 miles an hour down the highway. If Iâ€™m going 56, I need to be concerned.â€ As more people of color transition, Mitchellâ€™s experience is becoming an increasingly common one…..more…

FireJock.com – butch, black and fighter of fires…

Dykes, Sapphists & Other Cousins, Sex & Gender, Writings on Race No Responses »

Oct 102007

Whew!

Someone call 911. I got something burning that she could put out (or fan)….

http://www.firejock.com/

A great shot of Juliet and her wife:
http://www.rogueamazon.com/

LAWD.

Book – Butch is a Noun

Dykes, Sapphists & Other Cousins, Sex & Gender No Responses »

Sep 062007

Butch is a Noun Just working my way through this book now.

Loving it. Really.

I agree with Carol Queen. It makes me fall in love with butches all over again.

Check out a reading by the author:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qv89wbZHzNQ

Fat chicks in the media

Sex & Gender No Responses »

Sep 012007

Today CNN is doing an expert interview/panel called “Does G*D Care if You’re Fat”

CAN YOU FUCKING BELIEVE THAT!!??!!

They are talking in fairly positive terms about the Christian weight loss industry!!! I just want to fucking STRANGLE someone.

Maybe the better strategy is to keep my eye on this station and my hand on the gravol. Cause there are a lot of people in my country and the country that airs this tripe that watch, listen and agree.

Fuckers. They need to kiss my big, beautiful black ass. On second thought. No. Let me walk through the alleys of the DTES and then offer my soles for them to lick.

The Politics of Penetration

Education, Sex & Gender No Responses »

Jul 232007

The following event facinates me. As an avid fucker and lover of butches, I find myself in strange situations ay times. Navigating language and physical space can be pretty challenging. This is compounded by the fact that I am a non-switching top/dominant who will surrender sexually to the talents of an individual with skills.

What are your experiences with the politics of penetration?

Invited Public Lecture Sponsored by the Critical Studies in Sexuality (http://www2.arts.ubc.ca/sexuality/) program & Access and Diversity Co-sponsored by Pride UBC, the Centre for Women’s and Gender Studies, and the Centre for the Study of the Internationalization of Curriculum Studies

The “P” Word: Trans Men, Stone Butches and the Politics of Penetration
Dr. Bobby Noble, York University

Wednesday Feb. 14th., 4:30-6pm
Room 110 HENRY ANGUS BUILDING
2053 MAIN MALL University of British Columbia

Bobby Noble (PhD, York University) is an Assistant Professor in the Sexuality Studies program, housed in the School of Women’s Studies, at York University (Toronto). Bobby is the author of Sons of the Movement: FtMs Risking Incoherence in a Post-Queer Cultural Landscape (Women’s Press, 2006); the also recently published monograph Masculinities Without Men? (University of British Columbia Press, Winter 2004), listed as a Choice Outstanding Title, 2004; co-editor of The Drag King Anthology, a 2004 Lambda Literary Finalist (Harrington Press 2003).

How to get there: http://www.maps.ubc.ca/

Stone in My Bones II

Self-Indulgent, Sex & Gender No Responses »

Jul 112007

It is true that over time I have had the honour/pleasure of being able to interact with the stone of a few different butches. I have my own and so I do understand that there is a burden and a responsibility that comes that. When a person finds themselves capable of allowing me a degree of access which feel risky to them, I take extreme care.

Yeah. This has been my experience in the past. But I am now in a place in my life where I am having my stone interacted with in particular ways which are leading me to take the above lens and focus it on myself. Which, ultimately, looks like self protection. Do I want to leap? Am I going to be caught by a net or is it a bungee? What happens to my autonomy if I find myself requiring caretaking? Do I have the capacity to help myself if what I need is not complete enough? Sounds like a lot of fear, but what I’m trying to do feels like trying to looking at the sun with a naked eye…

But make no mistake. I ain’t wounded! I’m just a little stony! People who like bananas aren’t asked to justify their liking (tho I think they should) and I shouldn’t have to justify my love of my piece of stone. Not elegantly said… but there it is. Continue reading »

Hys Chest

Self-Indulgent, Sex & Gender No Responses »

Jun 292007

I love his chest.

And unlike the multitude of breasts i was surrounded by last night, I don’t see them in the same way at all.

His chest is large enough that re-constructive surgery will mean repositioning of the nipple. That boy can practically cum from his nipples. They are one of my favorite things. FAVORITE. Surgery means that he’ll loose all that sensation. Being as they provide SUCH pleasure (to both of us really) I find that hard to fix in my mind.

GAWD.

Relating to Transmen

Education, Sex & Gender No Responses »

Jun 112007

Going to Gender Odyssey last year was incredibly. I had planned to go with my partner/charge and ended up going on my own. Thinking that I was still going to have a WONDERFUL time regardless, I packed my shortest skirts and deepest cut tops along with some of my highest heels.

How eye-opening. 400 transmen plus SOFFAs. And you know what? I was hard pressed to get a second glance. Talk about lonely. But that’s a different post.
Continue reading »

Trans Inclusion in Dyke Space

Dykes, Sapphists & Other Cousins, Sex & Gender No Responses »

Jun 072007

Recently I’ve been part of online discussions about what happens when the conect of women’s only space gets moved online.

What happens when a group of “women” begin to speak about how transitional persons touch their lives? I’ll tell ya…. all hell breaks loose. People step forward who are moving along the spectrum or who are engaged on some level with those persons to declare hurt feelings and a sense of exclusion or silence. Temperatures rise and the word Transphobia gets batted about.

And this SUCKS as far as I’m concerned.
Continue reading »

Stone in My Bones

Self-Indulgent, Sex & Gender No Responses »

May 192007

I describe myself as being Kinda Stoney.

I use that in relation to my physical body and in relation to my emotional self as well.

As a low-femme who likes cisfemale folk who express themselves or live along the masculine spectrum this can be a *little* challenging.
Continue reading »

Nailed by the Online Quiz

Self-Indulgent, Sex & Gender No Responses »

Mar 312007

LOL!Â Oh those online quiz things:
http://www.okcupid.com/online.dating.persona.testÂ

The Playstation – Random Gentle Sex master (RGSMf)

Easy to turn on. Hard to beat. You are The Playstation.

You’re a nice girl, and you have lots of sex. It’s therefore highly likely that you’re attractive, and you’re certainly outgoing & friendly. Plus, this healthy physical attitude of yours indicates deeper emotional well-being and stability. Unheard of. When girls dare to dream, they dream of you.

You don’t get attached too easily, and, to wit, you’re not necessarily looking for something long-term right now. That’s a bigger asset than you know. Though, physically speaking, you’re open to anything, you’re keeping your emotional side well-protected. This means there won’t be a lot of wreckage to clean up whenever you decide to settle down.

In the meantime, the women you share yourself with actually respect you. Like them, you enjoy sex for its own sake and don’t need any other validation for pleasure than pleasure itself. Hopefully, you have the good sense to blow off anyone who thinks less of you for that. Usually, this is the part of the description where we offer some life-correcting advice, but honestly, we can’t think of anything about you we’d change. Keep on fucking, partner.

ALWAYS AVOID: The Priss

CONSIDER: Anyone else

Bad Dates in our Community

Culture & Community, Dykes, Sapphists & Other Cousins, Sex & Gender No Responses »

Feb 022007

So I was having a conversation with a dear friend of mine last night about personal and community responsibility and how that ties into ones integrity.

The question at hand had to do with bad dates of the moment; individuals who have patterns of behaviour which might lead to a bad date; and individuals who behave in ways which are intermittent/ongoing verbal, physical and/or sexually abusive.

D/s and it’s water muddying complications were NOT part of the context.

Being inclined to separate people from their behaviour, I to look at the bad date and say: is this behaviour about who they are as a person, or is this about outside influences (drugs, PMS, stress, etc.)

If it is about a person’s essential nature, I’m inclined to say “good riddance to bad rubbish” both personally and for the health and safety of my community. And watch me run my mouth at will!

If it is about outside influences, I’m inclined to say: “I’m withholding contact, here are your boundaries, and don’t expect a favourable reference from me.”

The issue at hand was this second scenario. What is the obligation on behalf of the individual and to others in our community? We debated when, whether, under what circumstances, and how one should act – both from self protection and community protection stances.

Moving on from that, a person who finds themselves on the side of being the “bad date” how does that person recover with both the individual and in the face of the community? Is there a way to restore one’s honour?

As a member of the community, what does one do with bad date info? How does one determine truthfulness and how does one respond? What about continued transmission of the information?

What part do references play (providing, withholding, checking, etc)?

Becoming a Boy and Back Again V

Dykes, Sapphists & Other Cousins, Sex & Gender No Responses »

Dec 292006

yeah…

I was thinking about what I wrote.

If there is an evolution or a movement that is empowering or about discovery… it’s really not for me as an affected person to stand in the way. That is not my intent. It’s really not so much that I am invested in a buth/femme state. It’s more like struggling to understand what is happening and what that means to me.

I wish that there were more masculinized voices participating Aaron and I’m glad you are stepping into the fray. It’s intensely personal and I appreciate that. I don’t know about the communities where butches feel love. I’d like to hear more about that.

My experience with transgendered people is that regardless of the impulse that pushes them in that direction, no amount of outside “love” can alter the course once it is set – that has to come from inside.

Becoming a Boy and Back Again IV

Dykes, Sapphists & Other Cousins, Sex & Gender No Responses »

Dec 292006

What I’m trying to get a handle on for myself is whether all the “feeling” and annecdotal eveidence has “truth” to it.

A masculinized person argued to me that the easy of aquiring medical intervention compared to in the past meant that the butches of the past had no choices and so presented incompletely. That those butches in days gone by were actually trans all along. That the reason there seemed to be so much transitioning is because people were finally able to get the intervention they required. This person also went on to dirparage and complain about the medical system and how the controls currently were too ridgid. “Thank goodness for the internet!” was the declaration. Apparently one can aquire “T” as well as tips on how to fool the docs into prescribing it without having to undergo ALL the checks and balances that the medical system has put into place.

Links of Learning

Education, Sex & Gender, Writings on Race No Responses »

Dec 132006

I’ve come across a lot of great links lately. I thought this might be a great opportunity to gather them all in one place and perhaps their synopsis (as opposed to the whole thing).

http://www.blackpeopleloveus.com

http://www.antiracistalliance.com

Other links from my favorites:
http://www.euroamerican.org/
http://depts.washington.edu/coe/news/video/aanerud.html
http://www.uwm.edu/~gjay/Whiteness/Whitenessbib.html

From various online conversations I’ve participated in:

http://www.kpfa.org/archives/index.php?arch=13010

http://uts.cc.utexas.edu/%7Erjensen/articles_race.html

In 1986, Ricky Sherover-Marcuse stood in front of 85 women of many races and said all in one breath “Some of you are not sure that you’re racist. You are. We all are. Being racist is like being sexist. Think you’re not sexist because you’re a woman? Let me give you an example: Think of the kind of woman that you hate. Did you get an image? That’s sexism in action, because there’s no such thing as as a “kind” of woman.” Ricky Sherover-Marcuse’s incredible work is online at http://www.unlearningracism.org/writings

This supports of the notion of whiteness as a social construct: http://racetraitor.org/

The blog of filmmaker Thirza Cuthand who describes herself as a “halfbreed dyke”, among other things. Her largely autobiographical short films deal a lot in issues of intersecting sites of marginalization. http://fitofpique.blogspot.com/

Personal commentary from ALICIA BANKS – Radio Producer, Talk Show Host, DJ, Columnist called GAY RACISM: WHITE LIES/BLACK SLANDER http://www.geocities.com/ambwww/GAY-RACISM.htm

A conference – FACING RACE 2007: Define Justice, Make Change http://www.arc.org/content/view/499/

NARCC is committed to being a national, community-based, member-driven network that provides a strong, recognized, effective and influential national voice against racism, racialization and all other forms of related discrimination in Canada. http://www.narcc.ca/about/index.html

Resources for Change is a clearing-house for anti-discrimination education resources and is designed for educators and individuals committed to making positive change. http://www.accesstomedia.org/rfc/

What is Critical Whiteness Studies? Almost since opening its doors two years ago, the Center on Democracy in a Multiracial Society (CDMS) has hosted the monthly meeting of the Critical Study of Whiteness Group. That multiracial group of professors, students and community members has exemplified interdisciplinary scholarship, bringing together small numbers of artists, psychologists, educators, historians, legal scholars, librarians, literary critics, students of media and film, ethnic studies specialists, Americanists, and architects to generously and vigorously critique works in progress. http://cdms.ds.uiuc.edu/Critical%20White…ntroduction.htm

The Audre Lorde Project is a Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Two Spirit and Transgender People of Color center for community organizing, focusing on the New York City area. http://www.alp.org/

An article on FTMs and whiteness – “I Will Always Be Your Daughter. I Will Always Be Your Son.” An Interview with Juma Blythe Essie by Ellen Marie Hinchcliffe. The issues around transgendered identities continue to gain more awareness in our society, but often the experience of transforming the body and the complexity of gender is being expressed through the eyes of white folks. Like most unexamined experiences by white people, these encounters are usually presented without acknowledging race. Juma Blythe Essie is a 30-year-old black man, writer, filmmaker and auto mechanic living in Minneapolis, Minnesota. His take on being transgendered, black, and male pushes the conversation in a much-needed direction. http://www.clamormagazine.org/issues/38/gender.php

Making A Difference
http://www.ywca.org/site/pp.asp?c=lkJZJdO4F&b=132098
Suggestions for actions that you can take to add your energy to promoting ethnic diversity and interracial harmony. Everyone can do something. For more information contact racialjustice@ywcamadison.org.

What a blog!
http://allywork.solidaritydesign.net/
Includes a reading list, posts and an “Erase Racism Carnival” wich is a collection of blog posts dedicated to creating a world free of racism. The Carnival is published around the 20th of every month.

New York Plans to Make Gender Personal Choice

Dykes, Sapphists & Other Cousins, Sex & Gender No Responses »

Nov 092006

New York Plans to Make Gender Personal Choice
By DAMIEN CAVE
Published: November 7, 2006
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/11/07/nyregion/07gender.html?_r=2&adxnnl=1&oref=slogin&adxnnlx=1163019162-gVQAspKGY1gOp2p+JPitcQ

Separating anatomy from what it means to be a man or a woman, New York City is moving forward with a plan to let people alter the sex on their birth certificate even if they have not had sex-change surgery.

On the Hunt for Devient Desire

Sex & Gender, Writings on Race No Responses »

Oct 072006

I had a conversation with a friend of mine recently wherein we figured out that we had both connected with a particular person. And I said, “do you think she’s a chocolate chaser?” and she responded, “yeah I think so.”

So that got me to wondering about attraction. And reminded me of a conversation I was having in an online forum devoted to kinksters. I had started it. I called it “Being a Minority within a Minority“.

I’ve heard of “chubby chasers”. This is similar but different. ‘Cause it’s about me.

I know there are things that I chase. Things about people which are particularily erotic or attractive or things that are consistent (whether I want to admit it or not) from lover to lover – and I’m talking about more than just top/bottom or Dom/sub stuff. It can apply across a number of things: class, race, religion, hair colour, etc.

So what’s that about? What makes it hawt? Why is there a stigma? Is it something people should be embarrassed about? Something to celebrate? Is this a good thing? Is it healthy? Does any of this shift because we a dykes or leather identified?

Insert the 5 w’s and a how….

As social animals, we often need cues as to how to behave and while these alternatives can turn into targets, they are also really important lights for those who would like to behave differently and are trying to figure out how to do that.

Part of what I’m asking myself is whether to have a particular “fetish” as you call it makes one somehow wrong? Isn’t it good that someone out there wants to immerse themselves in whatever it is that they seek? And why is it that those who are on the receiving end seem to have a negative response? Is it not better to be seen than not?

Full of questions today…

How Do We talk About It?

Sex & Gender No Responses »

Oct 052006

It’s interesting to me that when it comes to dykes there is some kind of allure about the “butch top” and less speech about the “femme top.”

I like to be fucked long and hard until I burst into sobbing tears. That can take a while. And recently I discovered that I gush (again after a good hard time) and have had some success with being fisted (all about patience). I’m also coming out of the closet around my desire to be sexually topped in specific ways.

I have found in the past when I say variations of this, that people seem shocked. Which leads me to believe that “Top” is equivalent to “stone” which ain’t completely true. And over time led me to a certain amount of silence about what I experience.

So, I wonder if some of what we encounter around speech has to do with the above? Which is to say a lack of admission or denial based on perrsonal pride and community ________ (<~ what’s the word??.. too early, late for work. Going now)

Which leads me generally to thinking about how we go about getting what we want if there is a sense that it is difficult to talk about. It’s curious that in many ways Leatherdykes are better communicators and negotiators about sexual activity than many goups and yet there is a stigma about actual SEX.

There don’t seem to be as much stigma in the men’s community about who gets fucked – at least not to my knowledge. So what’s up with us?

Older Entries Newer Entries

NubianImp Projects

Bang 4 the Buck and D/s Archetypes

When people of color transition between genders

FireJock.com – butch, black and fighter of fires…

Book – Butch is a Noun

Fat chicks in the media

The Politics of Penetration

Stone in My Bones II

Hys Chest

Relating to Transmen

Trans Inclusion in Dyke Space

Stone in My Bones

Nailed by the Online Quiz

Bad Dates in our Community

Becoming a Boy and Back Again V

Becoming a Boy and Back Again IV

Links of Learning

New York Plans to Make Gender Personal Choice

On the Hunt for Devient Desire

How Do We talk About It?

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