Thinking about adding a SecondLife

 Arts & Culture, Self-Indulgent, Writings on Race  No Responses »
Feb 182007
 

I’ve been researching *around* SecondLife because my current machine won’t let me get online. I’m curious about people’s experiences. Apparently there is more than sex, gambling a commerce going on…

I’m facinated that it seems to be full of white people, furries and robots. I’m fascinated that there are SERIOUS issues with being a brown person. A dyke I know sent me this link http://nwn.blogs.com/nwn/2006/02/the_skin_youre_.html on race interactions and visual representations. She has shared quite the story of struggle to accurately see herself and her identity reflected.

On the other hand…

How can one not visit a place where the Alzheimer Society raised $40,000US in a race held in the metaverse? The great Northern Way campus here in Vancouver has a presence; Harvard holds credit courses, and the government of Sweden has opened an embassy?

There’s a ballet troupe that performs, public art, and galleries that sell one of a kind works. It’s fascinating.

Another friend has been talking to me about some of the dyke spaces, but I’m interested to know more. Is there a place where LeatherDykes gather? Anyone else got experiences? It would be great to have some folks to hang and connect with when I finally arrive.

 Posted by at 8:51 pm  Tagged with: , ,

Consentual Nonconsentuality

 Our Thoughts > D/s & M/s, Self-Indulgent  No Responses »
Jan 282007
 

I feel like I just gained some insight into something that my boi has been trying to express to me. And something I said this morning too.

I said, “I wonder how I do it.” Which was met with a blank stare by the poor creature.

I don’t know how I do what I do. I never have a plan and I never know what’s coming next. I don’t know what will occur in 10 minutes, or five minutes, or three minutes. I don’t know anymore than the focus of my attention does.

I’ve tried planning scenes. I know some people do it. This, then this, then this. Nope. Some people have a routine for how they warm people up or play with them. This, then this, then this. Nope. Some people have specific things that make them hot. This, this, this…. Nope. I’m a shitty negotiator precisely because “This, then this, then this” makes me feel like I’m… well they don’t make me *feel*.

My *thing* is the individual song. I want to figure out how to play this particular instrument that is under my hands. I get off on the moment/s. I want the look, the sound, and the movement that conveys through prose its own unique kind of poetry.

 Posted by at 11:49 am  Tagged with: , ,

SNOW in Vannie

 Off Topic - Live With It!, Self-Indulgent  No Responses »
Nov 262006
 

Oh how I miss the stuff.

Living in Vancouver gets pretty tired weather wise. As a Prairie girl I miss all the things one can do with snow. And i miss thunder and lightening and i miss the Northern Lights…

Last night at about 12:30 am C__ and I went out into the snow and threw it at each other. I even beaned a couple of strangers who were very good natured about it. As we walked down the street past Grandview Park we noticed that a couple of games of tic tac toe sixed 20 x20 had been played, and a couple of snow angels were lying in the grass.

To day I’m heading out again and I can barely wait!!

I’d really like to build a snow person.

Can’t do THAT with rain….

 Posted by at 1:52 pm  Tagged with: ,

Who Wants Me II

 Self-Indulgent, Sex & Gender, Writings on Race  No Responses »
Aug 262006
 

A cute Transman I know wrote me the following in response to my previous post:

Hey Kona, could it be that your loud, bold confidence is the scary thing? Sure as hell wasn’t your color that got me lady.. dayum.. with that laugh that comes from your toes and fills a room, and that intensity in any conversation you have. christ woman you scare the shit outta me. Wink

*smilz*

Well let’s assume that is the case. it still ain’t getting me laid…

And to you I would say… I wasn’t always that way. It is something that I developed over time so that I could feel like I could be on an even footing. believe it or not, there was a time when I was the person who would never say anything and who would just smile in conversations hoping that the focus would never come my way. And I paid for that. So I changed it. And perhaps I’ve over compensated in the pther ddirection so that I out myself waaaay out there. Kinda like how I am the first laugh at myself. The shit’s all linked, ya know?

Anyways… to know that I am scaring the daylights outta ya kinda tickles me. And being as I am into butts, the fact that you shit yourself doesn’t deter me al all… *giggle*

 Posted by at 7:13 pm  Tagged with: , ,

Who Wants Me?

 Self-Indulgent, Sex & Gender, Writings on Race  No Responses »
Aug 262006
 

I spent some really lovely time recently with a friend that I rarely spend time with. You know, one of those people you love to pieces but connect with infrequently so that the conversation never really feels like it ends?

Anyway, I was boring myself (and probably her – and now whoever dares to read this) with whining about my current predicament with having released my boi from service while trying to maintain/construct something new.

Anyways…

I was saying that one of the things that I was going to find hard to replace was the kind of connection that we had that would allow me to tie a rope tighly around the boi’s neck, attach it to the bed frame and commence the kind of torment/sex that would result in near strangulation. *sigh*
Continue reading »

 Posted by at 12:36 pm  Tagged with: , ,

Absence II

 Our Thoughts > D/s & M/s, Reflections & Ruminations, Self-Indulgent  No Responses »
Aug 192006
 

I spent some time with a friend hanging out tonight. It was good.

I talked about the facts mostly (I think) but not hugely about how my inner landscape is doing. I think I am just numb on the inside. And when I speak of it all I feel kinda stoopid actually. I mean… I listen to myself and I think… “why on earth are you not glad to see the end of THAT!?”

Why? ‘Cause you can’t help who you love. And in this particular person’s case I continue to feel responsible. And that, is very complicated by the multi-textured circumstances of life. So we speak on the phone and email and we have spent time together. I cooked her dinner for her 40th BDay. We’ve even shared my bed a few times though sex only happened on one occassion.

My friend said to me tonight that clean breaks where one feels pain and can heal are the best. That feeling like one was gnawing through their own arm was much worse. And I guess I kinda feel that. Although it is not painful in that way. It feels more like a longing. Like a rope slipping through my fingers and burning as it goes.

I feel as if I woudl liek to salvage something of my investment. That perhaps there might be a way to redefine what we could mean to each other. Sure, old habits die hard, but can garbage be recycled into something new andd different?

*GAH*

I’ll take the survival tips folks. ‘Cause I’m thinking that my planned Jack Daniels diet is *just* NOT the way to go…

 Posted by at 1:59 pm  Tagged with: ,

Absence I

 Our Thoughts > D/s & M/s, Reflections & Ruminations, Self-Indulgent  No Responses »
Aug 122006
 

Lordy.

So little did I know when I released the boi that it woudl have succh lingering effects on my part. I’m feeling very unbalanced at the moment…

*UGH*

Continue reading »

 Posted by at 7:17 pm  Tagged with: ,

Top Drop

 Our Actions > BDSM, Our Thoughts > D/s & M/s, Self-Indulgent  No Responses »
Feb 052006
 

When I drop, I become, crabby and irritable and non-communicative. I don’t want anyone around me and I don’t want to talk to anyone in person or on the phone. It’s kinda like a bad depressive state. I wanna drink, I wanna sleep and I wanna watch bad TV with junk food.

Now that I know this about myself (it took awhile, believe me) I am on the lookout for signs and do the best I can to take care of myself. Which doesn’t necessarily mean giving into the bad behaviours I want.

 Posted by at 8:26 pm  Tagged with: ,

Why I pitch instead of catch

 Self-Indulgent, Sex & Gender  No Responses »
Jan 252006
 

In part it has to do withthe fact that I HATE it when people try to kiss me. And even with my primary, it takes quite a while for me to be able to do that with comfort. Desire to engage int eh activity comes with time.. but… it takes time. I pitch, and I catch. But I’m not good at articulating around what I need to “catch with a sense of freedom.

I’m reminded of a story from when I was a child. It was in one of the first books I read. It was about htis little girl who is mean and standoffish, etc. One day she is on the bus and this old woman (who the little girl won’t get up for) reaches inside her blouse and pulls out a piece of stone. She comments that this is the reason the girl interacts with the world in the way she does. I don’t remember how it happens, but the little girl understands that in order to live fully (including being able to laugh) she has to melt the stone. And it takes time and it is painful and finally, one day she cries and the last bit of stone melts. And she runs into the old woman agian who reaches into her blouse agina nd declares her cured. And everyone lives happily ever after.

I’m still working on it. Sometimes… well sometimes the stone goes from granite to sandstone. Kinda soft but still solid. Every once in a while I am in a situation that softens things. Calin, the dear sweet boy, is changing me. But it’s still there.

There’s still a little piece of stone.

 Posted by at 11:21 am  Tagged with: , , , ,

Conservative Government – I have not forgotten, I have not forgiven

 Self-Indulgent  No Responses »
Jan 232006
 

So… I am a support slave for local government working in the area of Culture. And today there was much debate in the halls as two of my collegues boasted about voting Conservative. *BLARGH*

They became less vociferous when I reminded them that the current conservative party has its roots and many of it’s current policy makers from the skin-changing Reform party. And they shut the fuck up when I stood my ground looked them in the eye and said, ” as a gay black woman who was living in Alberta when the Reform party was birthed, I have not forgotten, I have not forgiven, and I refuse to let those fucks have control of my life.”

And SILENCE.

OOP! Did I swear as I said that out loud? The Project Manager for_______ looked like he suspected I had SARS.

heheheheheheh…..

 Posted by at 9:58 pm  Tagged with:

I love my cocks

 Self-Indulgent, Sex & Gender  No Responses »
Dec 012005
 

Had a conversation the other day wherein the person remarked about “human skin tone” of their dildo.

That reminds me of a story from my childhood. A kid asked me for the flesh coloured crayon – remember when it was called that? And I handed over a brown one. It started a fight and I got in trouble. I still think I was right.

*looks over at shelf* one of my cocks is blue and the other one is black. The black one was rescued from the ashes of my burned down building years ago. Aside from the the based where it kinda melted/disintegrated it’s still a fine tool – and it doesn’t even smell smokey anymore.. It loves my pussy and other people’s asses. I loved it then and I love now.

 Posted by at 4:00 pm  Tagged with: , , , ,

Size means nothing

 Our Actions > BDSM, Self-Indulgent  No Responses »
Dec 012005
 

I’m smallish in size (5’1″ and 160 lbs) But I’m big when it comes to torment! Being small means that there are times when F/folks underestiment what I am capable of. Wink

On the other hand, there are times where I steadfastly insist that because I’m little… there’s Ab-sol-lute-ly No-thing to be afraid of… heheheheh…

“I’m just little! How much of a threat could I possibly be?”Twisted Evil

 Posted by at 10:17 am  Tagged with: , , ,

I need to bite and want to kiss

 Self-Indulgent, Sex & Gender  No Responses »
Nov 142005
 

I go through waves of what I want to do. For the past several months its all been about biting for me. Biting the skin on the inside of the bicep, chomping into belly flesh, that nice bony spot between the breasts and the one on the opposite side between the shoulder blades. I like to bite and then return again and again to the same spot to fit my teeth into the indentations. I like… oh.. well this was suppose to be short right?

On the missing side… well… I would miss deep kisisng. Now, I don’t kiss people outside of pecks on the cheek and such. So if my lips meet another’s its a rare event and probably (unless I am tricked or trapped) means a lot about how I regard the association. And, I must say, those who I do get that peck of a kiss on the lips don;t get it too often. It’s cause I’m a germaphobe.

On the other hand, I can kiss my primary for HOURS.. OK… not hours. But A LOT. So I’d miss that if I couldn’t have it for a long time. And I’d probably sneek a few nibbles on the lip while I’m at it.

 Posted by at 9:10 pm  Tagged with: , ,

Wired into my sex

 Our Thoughts > D/s & M/s, Self-Indulgent, Sex & Gender  No Responses »
Oct 132005
 

I went through this period (hell I’m not convinced its over) where it seemed impossible, while my boi was fucking me, to cum unless I was hurting hym and hy was screaming/yelling like the police should be called…

* sigh *

Gotta squishy… gotta go

 Posted by at 10:50 pm  Tagged with: , , , ,

The Boi is off to Edmonton, AB

 Self-Indulgent  No Responses »
Oct 032005
 

Hi Folks,

My boi has headed off to the chilly land of Edmonton to do what hy does best which is pipefitting and such. Hy left on Saturday (Oct 1-05) and is intending on being in Alberta for about three months.

Anyone out there with the ability to provide a place for hym to put hys head? Or a contact to someone whodoes? Small services in exchange, or cash.

Drop me a line directly or on the boards here.

Thanks in advance! Very Happy

 Posted by at 10:32 pm  Tagged with: , ,

On Being a Pitchin’ Femme

 Self-Indulgent, Sex & Gender  No Responses »
Sep 122005
 

Sometimes I am in awe that the queer or alternative sexuality communities bother to get cranky at the “vanilla” world. HELL… if we are still in the process of finding language and defining it consistently amongst ourselves… not to mention being strident about how activity leads to definitions and assumptions being foisted on one… *shakes head*
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 Posted by at 10:06 pm  Tagged with: , , ,
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