Doing relationships with intentional power dynamics
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Jul 302009
Looking around I said to myself the other day:
Dear Laundry:
You know I love your freshness when you are done, and the clean variety you offer. Without a question the site of you piled in a corner awaiting my attentions plagues my mind every time I search for something to wear. As the stock of dozens of red panties dwindles, and I am forced to wear my “good†bras to work, make no mistake: I know I am doing you wrong. I am troubled.
It’s not you. It’s me. I’ve been seduced by Pride.
Late July and through August in Vancouver is a massive all out celebration of Gay Pride. And I love to drink from every cup that organizations around my city are pouring. My favourites:
Bride of Pride:
Big surprise Right? Not only am I a LeatherDyke but I’m one of the organizers of Canadian Mayhem who put on Vancouver’s annual Women’s Play Party for past present and future women. So much of pride in Vancouver has historically, during my residence here been focused on men. And anything sexual… was focused on men. BoP (as the party is known for short) brings together over 100 hot, sexy, passionate women for a weekend launch that KICKS ASS! Tickets in advance and available at the door.
The Dyke March:
I live ½ a block off Commercial Drive. If I’m late getting out onto the streets, from my window I can see the hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of dykes, queers, lesbians, dogs, children, bikes, parasols, Birkenstocks, hoola hoops, etc, etc taking over the neighbourhood. We meet at McSpadden Park and wind our way to Grandview Park where we sit on the grass and take in the entertainment. It’s a good thing. This year I’m marching with the Canadian Mayhem banner.YAY!
Pride in Art:
Over a week jammed with arts and culture originating from the queer community. While there is an abundance of local talent/excellence, there is often a national or international flavour added to the mix. Highlights for me are the Visual Art Exhibition at the Roundhouse; the opening ceremonies; Queerotica – which invites queers to read their own works or the works of others; and the Cabaret. This year I plan to jam in the agenda: the Screaming Weenies event Clean Sheets; SWELL – a performance featuring Anna Camilleri and Ivan Coyote; Transgressions – featuring Vancouver’s favourite concert pianist Rachel Kiyo Iwaasa and the AMAZING Cris Derksen; and… even more stuff. Really.
Vancouver Pride Parade:
The day after the Dyke March the WHOLE community takes to the streets. Is it San Francisco? Or Toronto? Or New York? No. But it’s here in my home town and is a key anchor to the month that makes me so tired. This year Canadian Mayhem will be taking it to he streets and sharing space with Metro Vancouver Kink (MVK) the monthly play party of choice for Vancouver’s dykes. They’re a pansexual group, but most of the dungeon monitors are dykes – and you know how we like to do it!
Out on Screen Queer Film and Video Festival:
How could one not love sitting in the dark looking at stories about who we are? Huh? This combined with it being the best place to cruise, flirt and score a date that does not involve loud music and a dance floor in Vancouver. I try to hit the opening gala and closing party because it’s full of Vancouver’s who is who of the queer scene, has great food, and the films are always great. I do the Coast is Queer series because I often know the participants in the films being shown. I do the Porn Night because I’m a big ‘ole perve with a raging libido. I do any film involving black people and consider twice any film focused on women or gender queers. Films often sell out. Use the online planner available at their site and get your tickets early.
Being a sex-positive dyke, I’ve moved in a lot of spaces, queer and str8 where Eros abounds. But as a woman, the opportunity to to do what the boys do isn’t really available. So I made something happen in my city. And in two other cities in Canada, other women made something happen too.
July/August 2009 Issue. Click for PDF download.
Andrea Zanin, who writes the blog SexGeek.com wrote a solid piece about women’s bathhouses across my nation in the July/August issue [PDF] for Outlooks Magazine. On pages 10 & 11 are the results of her interviews with myself, Carlyle Jansen of the Pussy Palace in Toronto, and Maggie Haywood of SheDogs in Halifax. Reading it I thought to myself, “are there really only three across the whole country?
Bathhouses.
They are a legendary part of gay male history and hold a solid place alongside cruising in parks and public restrooms.
A dear friend of mine from my home town refers to them as “Windowless Hiltons”. When he travels he opts for spending the night in one of the many choices that any major city offers. He does it because there are clean towels, and showers, and often an entertainment room with porn on a TV. He chooses the ones with saunas and rooms with doors that lock. He finds them cheap compared to getting a paid tourist bed, and although there is no room service, they are open all night long. Depending on the date and time some even offer discounts.
Did I mention the cruising and the sex? No. But I don’t have to ’cause we all know what’s going on.
Women, on the other hand, don’t have the same kind of thing available to them. Unable to keep a bar going in most (not all) North American cities without support from the str8 crowd or borrowing a night within a gay bar, we smolder with sensuality without the regular opportunity to gather in groups.
But when we get the chance… there is a lot more than just flirting and sex going on. People come together to share space in a way that is impossible in dungeons and dance halls and clubs. One isn’t top or bottom in a space like that. The distinctions between butch and femme break down too. We meet in a way that is SO outside any other time or place.
Like meeting one’s dentist in the grocery store. There’s a shift. There’s a moment when you have to rethink who you are dealing with. And for those of us with body issues? Well… it’s an opportunity to see the full tapestry of who we are as women.
May 252009
Another week. Same as others and yet one that comes with both bitter and sweet. Lots of time spent with friends and Tribe.
You know…. Now that Mayhem is over I can’t seem to shake the urge to do, do, do… Really nice to go to an event that I had no hand in planning and really nice to be looking forward to a conference I had no hand in creating too.
Speaking of which, I’m incredibly awed and grateful to all the people who pitched in and helped to make the whole event happen. The volunteers, the supporters, sponsors, donors, vendors, presenters and participants. Team sport indeed!
What a wild ride getting to this point! And the action doesn’t seem to be stopping!
May 182009
So. The Mayhem is over and I am back to my real life. Somewhere in there, Twitter got it’s act together so I’m starting to reach out that way too.
*sigh* how I missed the simplicity of 140 characters…
Next up: Diva’s Den (a fundraiser for the Dyke March) and the annual International Day Against Homophobia Breakfast!
Did I mention that I love being a queer?
Apr 202009
Graciousness!
Have you LOOKED at all the madness going on?
I don’t know about you, but I’m starting to schedule all my costume changes NOW. There’s just so much to do! The full schedule of events is online now with more content being added all the time.
Some of the highlights include:
Mar 092009
The week began with closing out the South Plains Master Slave conference. Glad I went. I got stories but most of them are around the culture of the place.
Have to say that I expected a higher level of… well… manners. Protocol. Something.There were incidents that distressed me. And I’d like to talk/write about them, but you know what? I’m a coward. I’m not into public disclosures that will breed or heighten dissension. Not in the way that my thoughts on what I experienced could. So don’t bother asking unless yer one of those people who have darkened the door of my apartment.
The week was full of work related to Mayhem. It’s gonna be good. If I survive the work it takes to pull it off. If you’re a past, present or future woman, I hope that you’ll join us in Vancouver for the first conference of its kind in Western Canada since 1993.
Work was productive and not. I love lead projects. I love being underestimated and giving people pause.
The monthly Top Shelf meeting happened again this week and it just left me feeling hungry. But I did manage to begin the organizing of the next D/s Dinner/salon and my Fourth Annual Sexy Sauna Birthday Bathhouse for Women.
Oh, and the boi sold her house. Which means she’ll be here soon. YES.
Mar 072009
Loving Mayhemeven as I spin into madness with all the meetings and organizing. Did you know Mayhem has a FetLife group?
This is a thing of beauty that has come out of all of this. Elaine Miller does hot graphics work. The ass my latex gloved hand is on? A thing of hotness. I was SO undisciplined during this shoot. It’s true.
Artistic credits to Vancouver photographer S.D. Holman who also did the naked ass picks of me for the Dead Zone weekend and of me in just a towel for my Sexy Sauna B-day Bath House last year.
BTW… The date for the next D/s Dinner/salon has been set for later this month and the invites/formal announcement will be going out soon.
And speaking of getting sweaty with naked women, the fourth annual Sexy Sauna B-Day Bath House will be happening April long weekend! This year, in addition to myself and Elaine Miller the celebration will probably mark the “seasoning” of two other local fabulous femmes.
Ah life… ’tis good, good, good…
Mar 022009
What a week. All about prepping and going to to South Plains LeatherFest and International Master/slave weekend.
And lots of working on Mayhem. And planning MORE things like the next D/s Dinner/salon and my fourth annual Sexy Sauna B-Day Bathouse party. I seem to just keep adding things to the schedule.
The more I travel the more I am drawn to travel. the more I want to head out into the world of Leather and learn and fellowship. I am blessed.
Went to Taboo with a friend (OK, I DM’d first) and handed out cards to cute girl teams, dykes, transfolk, and lesbians. No butches yet though.
No “leatherdykes”. But, ya know, not all of us flag all the time.
But there’s time.
I’m at the Taboo show all weekend scoping the crowd, causing mayhem (!!), trying to make sure people didn’t take pictures, spanking the tourists, and generally rousing up support.
I’m keeping my eyes open for folks to come play with all of us gals during Mayhem!.
Barely into the New Year and I’ve got many a plan up my sleeve already. Which surprises even me given the events of the fall.
In September I had major surgery (I was sick when I was at the conference) and have just returned to work now. But I’m still being a a fabulous kinky pervert!
Jan 152009
A plan is officially afoot to do the next D/s Dinner/salon. You can expect the gathering to occur the week of December 8 in the evening – most likely a private residence.
A library of D/s and M/s books will be on hand for casual perusal, along with a high level over view of the Leather Traditions Weekend Intensive for Dominants I just completed in San Fransisco (short and sweet I promise). More details to cum.
In the meantime… Are there any thoughts about what might go on the conversational agenda? Big thinks, little thinks, personal, community…
I’d be interested in talking about:
Apr 242008
Tough night for me. And that’s the truth not the hype. I went in feeling physically unwell and found myself being psychically attacked. Ah well… skunks have no idea about the impact on the world around them either. Which doesn’t excuse but it is the fact.
Apr 242008
I was engaged in the second of a quarterly series of conversations: The D/s Dinner/salon. At the point that things slid sideways in the conversation for me, I was trying to respond to something that a top was commenting on around why people come to the scene (and D/s) but don’t stay.
And in my long-winded getting-myself-in-trouble-again way what was on my mind was that what is obvious when folks walk into a play space is the activity of BDSM which in it’s complex manifestations can trigger the psyche of people. And that if one is interested, as I was when I came to the scene, in the dynamics that can occur between intimates, that can be troublesome. Because those like-minded people are present, but one may have to acclimate to things that are troubling in order to make those connections. And that can feel like walk through goose shit covered grass to get to the beach.
Continue reading »
Apr 232008
How amazing.
I think I can safely say that folks were challenged and learned and came away with food for thought.
Many thanks to all that showed up and to those who had good intent but were unable to attend. A lot of the women who attended the first one were present and there were a lot of new faces too. The conversation was such that I didn’t count until after things had officially ended and at that time there were 14 people still hanging onto the conversation.
Continue reading »
Apr 232008
One of the attendees took some notes and agreed to have them published. Wasn’t that kind?
There’s some good food for thought in them. Questions that deserve to be answered. Tasty.
Many thanks for the generosity.
Apr 162008
April Showers and Sweats!
**please feel free to cross-post and distribute appropriately**
Invite others to join us or distribute this link: http://tinyurl.com/3t3yw
This is the first in a series of serious conversations about D/s
On April 22, 2008 the second of an intended quarterly series of D/s Dinner/salons will take place. The intent is to come together to discuss the cerebral (D/s) as opposed to the technical (bdsm) side of some what we all find more than just a little bit HAWT.
Continue reading »
Apr 092008
Here are my notes from the first session. More questions than answers… I regret that I wasn’t so clever as to have included attributions. Which sucks because in both cases the knowledge in the room was humbling:
NubianImp Projects strives to: provide forums for advanced education and celebration (to strengthen the bonds within community, tribes and chosen-family) through sex-positive event production aimed at queers and their allies.
Vancouver Black (and POC) Arts, Culture & Activism (on Facebook)