Bad Dates in our Community

Culture & Community, Dykes, Sapphists & Other Cousins, Sex & Gender No Responses »
Feb 022007

So I was having a conversation with a dear friend of mine last night about personal and community responsibility and how that ties into ones integrity.

The question at hand had to do with bad dates of the moment; individuals who have patterns of behaviour which might lead to a bad date; and individuals who behave in ways which are intermittent/ongoing verbal, physical and/or sexually abusive.

D/s and it’s water muddying complications were NOT part of the context.

Being inclined to separate people from their behaviour, I to look at the bad date and say: is this behaviour about who they are as a person, or is this about outside influences (drugs, PMS, stress, etc.)

If it is about a person’s essential nature, I’m inclined to say “good riddance to bad rubbish” both personally and for the health and safety of my community. And watch me run my mouth at will!

If it is about outside influences, I’m inclined to say: “I’m withholding contact, here are your boundaries, and don’t expect a favourable reference from me.”

The issue at hand was this second scenario. What is the obligation on behalf of the individual and to others in our community? We debated when, whether, under what circumstances, and how one should act – both from self protection and community protection stances.

Moving on from that, a person who finds themselves on the side of being the “bad date” how does that person recover with both the individual and in the face of the community? Is there a way to restore one’s honour?

As a member of the community, what does one do with bad date info? How does one determine truthfulness and how does one respond? What about continued transmission of the information?

What part do references play (providing, withholding, checking, etc)?

Posted by Lady Kona at 11:46 am Tagged with:

I'm a Minority Within a Minority

Culture & Community, Writings on Race No Responses »
May 272006

I am human. One that posesses the full range of human emotions. One of those is fear. And so with a very serious look in my eye I tell you that I am SCARED to attend the BlackBeat conference even though I have been wanting to go for years; and it is for reasons that are deeply personal.

The following is an excerpt from a series of exchanges I had with Viola Johnson a few months ago:

    … my MAIN reason has to do with being a black woman raised in a white culture and as a kinkster, existing as a fetish within my community because I am the only black person publically holding space. The bereftness of my intimate existance is such that I have never had an intimate romantic or sexual relationship with a black person. In fact I have never pressed my naked black skin against that of another black person male or female. I know several black females who do not come out regularily who would relish the opportunity to speak of the life with an experienced person of colour…

Does this begin to explain?

My fears around going are deeply seated in past experience and in cultural conditioning. And if you don’t think that I am aware of what that means you’d be irritatingly wrong.

This is not a light topic for me and it is one that lies very near the core of my being. And the fact that I’m putting it out here appalls me, and filles me with the additional fear that… for lack of better phrasing at the moment… that it will be used against me or treated like a scab/bruised to be picked and prodded.

… feeling VERY naked and exposed…

Posted by Lady Kona at 10:17 am Tagged with: , , ,

Mentoring Obligations

Culture & Community, Education No Responses »
May 112006

A young dyke, well, younger than me and relatively new to the scene was talking the other day about how community elders SHOULD be mentoring new/younger members for all kinds of reasons. You know, history transmission, knowledge transfer, skill sharing etc.

I had an instant oil/water reaction. Which is to say I felt like applauding and kicking her in the ass at the same time. There’s nothing like tossing a few “shoulds” in the air. Hell, anyone who knows me, knows that I am prone to shaking the bee jar myself.

*shakes head*
Continue reading »

Posted by Lady Kona at 8:19 pm Tagged with:

Christians and BDSM

Culture & Community 1 Response »
Apr 282006

Huh. Who knew. The things we stumble across while surfing the net…

http://www.christiansandbdsm.com/index2.html

http://www.christiansandbdsm.com/christian-bdsm/index2.html

So… I guess I’m left wondering. It is easy to mock these folks, but I’d like to look under the hood a little.

I consider myself a spiritual person while rejecting any specific dogma (anyone remeber that joke… your Karma ran over my dogma?) However I was raised Baptist, taught Sunday school and used to be able to quote chapter and verse. Look at me now. Wink Continue reading »

Posted by Lady Kona at 6:12 pm Tagged with: , ,

M/mixing C/cases

Culture & Community No Responses »
Jan 282006

I tend to randomly capitalize and miss capitals in the same way that I mispell and run words together. But I figure I post eenough for folks to know that it ain’t personal, just inattentive.

As to P/people doing the capitalization thing. I can work my way through it. For me it’s kinda like an accent. I assume that those that do it are opperating form directive or from an inner sense of how they need/want to operate in spaces like this where there are kinksters about. Kinda like flagging a hanky at a play party. I like the fact that it signals a voice that is distinct. Hard to read at times? Sure. But thick acents are hard to hear at times too.

I support the desire of those who mix their capitalization and hope that they would respect those who choose not to engage that way. I hope those who chose to write in mixed caps keep doing it (if they must or wish) and don’t cave or feel pressured or feel badly enough to write in the dominant “accent” of the boards. Hell. We ALL get enough of the conformity message in our daily lives that it would be unfortunate for someone to feel that they’ve stumbled into yet another flavour of it.

And for those who choose not to read the mixed writing? I hope you don’t miss something that would interest you or add to your life.

Posted by Lady Kona at 2:29 pm Tagged with:

The Leather Daddy and the Femme

Culture & Community, Education, Sex & Gender No Responses »
Dec 182005

Leather Daddy and the Femme by Carole Queen

Leather Daddy and the Femme by Carol Queen

Have to say… I really love the gender-fuck hottness of “The Leather Daddy and the Femme.” by Carol Queen.

Part of what is interesting is that the “femme” picks up the “Daddy” in a gay men’s leather bar while dressed as the male alter ego “Randy”. That’s how it starts and there are a number of incredible scenes contained within.

I almost rubbed my pussy raw reading that book…

Posted by Lady Kona at 1:51 am Tagged with: , , ,

Retirement Living for Kinksters

Culture & Community No Responses »
Dec 142005

The arts community in Canada and elsewhere has been creating Performing Arts Lodges for the past ccouple of years. http://www.palvancouver.org/index.htm

I’m wondering if there are any models of a retirement home, an age-in-place facility or something that accomodates elderly queers and kinksters SOMEWHERE in the world.

The Welcome Home thing that Vi Johnson was proposing never got off the ground. Here in Vancouver, there are lesbian co-ops. This seems like the beginnign of a workable model to me….

Posted by Lady Kona at 8:34 pm Tagged with: ,

Old Guard/New Guard an Elder's View

Culture & Community, Education No Responses »
Oct 312005

I was having a conversation with a friend about the Old Guard and New Guard recently.

Then I found a piece of writing by Viola Johnson:
http://www.iron-rose.com/vijohnson/docs/blic1197.htm

EXCERPT:

The sexually free leather adults of the 90′s are a very different breed than what my generation was. When I came out into leather I was content to learn by the standards of the previous generation. Don’t get me wrong, I am proud to be Old Guard. Their hands on mentoring taught me skills, history, pride and honor. But todays generation isn’t playing by Old Guard rules. As a matter of fact, they are making up new rules as they go along.

Posted by Lady Kona at 1:27 am Tagged with: , , ,
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