Looking around I said to myself the other day:

Dear Laundry:

You know I love your freshness when you are done, and the clean variety you offer. Without a question the site of you piled in a corner awaiting my attentions plagues my mind every time I search for something to wear. As the stock of dozens of red panties dwindles, and I am forced to wear my “good” bras to work, make no mistake: I know I am doing you wrong. I am troubled.

It’s not you. It’s me. I’ve been seduced by Pride.

Late July and through August in Vancouver is a massive all out celebration of Gay Pride. And I love to drink from every cup that organizations around my city are pouring. My favourites:

Bride of Pride:
Big surprise Right? Not only am I a LeatherDyke but I’m one of the organizers of Canadian Mayhem who put on Vancouver’s annual Women’s Play Party for past present and future women. So much of pride in Vancouver has historically, during my residence here been focused on men. And anything sexual… was focused on men. BoP (as the party is known for short) brings together over 100 hot, sexy, passionate women for a weekend launch that KICKS ASS! Tickets in advance and available at the door.

The Dyke March:
I live ½ a block off Commercial Drive. If I’m late getting out onto the streets, from my window I can see the hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of dykes, queers, lesbians, dogs, children, bikes, parasols, Birkenstocks, hoola hoops, etc, etc taking over the neighbourhood. We meet at McSpadden Park and wind our way to Grandview Park where we sit on the grass and take in the entertainment. It’s a good thing. This year I’m marching with the Canadian Mayhem banner.YAY!

Pride in Art:
Over a week jammed with arts and culture originating from the queer community. While there is an abundance of local talent/excellence, there is often a national or international flavour added to the mix. Highlights for me are the Visual Art Exhibition at the Roundhouse; the opening ceremonies; Queerotica – which invites queers to read their own works or the works of others; and the Cabaret. This year I plan to jam in the agenda: the Screaming Weenies event Clean Sheets; SWELL – a performance featuring Anna Camilleri and Ivan Coyote; Transgressions – featuring Vancouver’s favourite concert pianist Rachel Kiyo Iwaasa and the AMAZING Cris Derksen; and… even more stuff. Really.

Vancouver Pride Parade:
The day after the Dyke March the WHOLE community takes to the streets. Is it San Francisco? Or Toronto? Or New York? No. But it’s here in my home town and is a key anchor to the month that makes me so tired. This year Canadian Mayhem will be taking it to he streets and sharing space with Metro Vancouver Kink (MVK) the monthly play party of choice for Vancouver’s dykes. They’re a pansexual group, but most of the dungeon monitors are dykes – and you know how we like to do it!

Out on Screen Queer Film and Video Festival:
How could one not love sitting in the dark looking at stories about who we are? Huh? This combined with it being the best place to cruise, flirt and score a date that does not involve loud music and a dance floor in Vancouver. I try to hit the opening gala and closing party because it’s full of Vancouver’s who is who of the queer scene, has great food, and the films are always great. I do the Coast is Queer series because I often know the participants in the films being shown. I do the Porn Night because I’m a big ‘ole perve with a raging libido. I do any film involving black people and consider twice any film focused on women or gender queers. Films often sell out. Use the online planner available at their site and get your tickets early.

 

My plan is to be an out proud homo this Pride. It will be the first spent together for me and my boi and I want to soak up all the gay I can possibly stand.

Below is a smattering of where you can expect to find me over the coming weeks, but it is in no way the full list. I’m still figuring out all the goodness for Pride in Art and picking films for Out on Screen!

Canadian Mayhem’s Bride of Pride party will of course be a highlight, and I plan to do the Dyke March and the Annual Pride Parade with the Mayhem banner. Join us as we walk? Drop a line into the comments!

How about you? If you are in and around Vancouver, what are you up to this Pride. Will I see you there?

Canadian Mayhem presents…

The Bride of Pride Party
Friday, July 31, 2009

A kinky, sexy party for all Queer Women in Vancouver

http://canadianmayhem.com

Bride of Pride is a BDSM/sex playparty for kinky women* into queer, woman-to-woman BDSM. Dress in whatever makes you feel good, bring your toys and your playpartners, and come join us! We encourage costumes and flights of fancy, but we won’t turn you away if you’re not in fetishwear! Just for fun, we’ll have a few special theme areas, like puppy play, and ageplay and wrestling space and more!

Doors 8 pm – midnight, Party until 1 am.
The WISE Hall, 1882 Adanac St, Vancouver.

*Who’s Invited:   All past, present and future women, of any orientation (homo, bi, hetero, trans), who enjoy woman-to-woman kink and BDSM. Women of all experience levels are welcome! Transguys welcome!

Tickets will be $15 in advance, or $20 at the door.
Details: http://canadianmayhem.com

Dykes on Bikes @ The DykeMarch 2009

Saturday, August 1

http://www.vancouverdykemarch.com/
Gather 11:30am at the west wide of McSpadden Park.
Starts at noon.

Dykes on Bikes @ the Pride Parade 2009

Sunday, August 2

For those starting on the East Side
(Oh, the joys of the queer-women biker gang run through the heart of the city…)

Commercial and 3rd Ave. Between 10 & 10:30 arrival, leave the east end for the west end at 11 am.
Parade starts at Robson and Thurlow! http://www.vancouverpride.ca/parade-route
Offical start time is noon… bykes arrive at Robson & Thurlow at 11am (or earlier, or later).
Go to the head of the parade. No paperwork required.

Details, Parade Guidelines and BykeDykes mailing list!
http://bykedykes.vancouverleather.com/

LEATHERDYKE Post-Pride Picnic in the Park

MONDAY, August 3

4pm –> 8pm
Where: Trout Lake / John Hendry Park 3350 Victoria Drive, southeast corner

Highly informal. Free. All welcome. A bunch o’ leatherdykes are throwing down blankets, laughs, and good company. Come on down, bring your partner/s, friends (kink-friendly), a blanket, food n drink, something to share, chairs, sunscreen…and most importantly, yourself! (*In good weather only)

http://www.vancouverleather.com/pride2009

Queerotica

Thursday, August 6th, 2009

Back again with an evening of LIVE readings of queer erotic fiction and poetry from some of Vancouver’s hottest writers!
Starts at @ 7:31pm sharp @ The Roundhouse Community Arts and Recreation Centre
Vancouver, BC, Canada as part of the Pride in Art Festival 2009

$5 (suggested donation) goes to support the artists directly!
Produced by Elaine Miller and Afuwa Granger
http://elainemiller.com/queerotica

 

One of the things I love about parties with a dress code is that all persons present take a ~risk~ in being there. If I see my dentist… well, then both of us are in a position to out the other. There is some safety in that.

When a member of the leather/kink/fetish “culture” engages in outing it harms ALL of us. It harms our sense of trust with one another and if it is done publicly it harms the reputation of our community. Aside from the voyeuristic horror of it, to those who are not friendly, it also suggests that part of our morally reprehensible lifestyle (yep, I heard that once) is a lack of integrity amongst ourselves. For those who have not yet made it into the fold or even to the steps of the doorway it does nothing to make things seem friendly or welcoming.

I’d like to think that we flirt consciously with danger. Having a betrayer, a snitch, a rat amongst us is not good.

A man I respect has asked about accountability for outing to presenters and organizers on Fetlife. For him it is clearly a question of community safety within our culture. I think he is onto something very knotty and difficult to unpick. How do we safe guard ourselves from those amongst us who may not have integrity or who are malicious or ambitious, etc?

I’ve seen a LOT of mouths close over the years here in Vancouver and seen those without history fall prey. I’ve stood by and let it happen I’ve stepped in and shared my knowledge. I have been inconsistent in my actions.

We ask for references for a reason. But like in a job situation, we all all likely to give those that look upon us favourably. Depending on the person being spoken about there can be some pretty careful language if there is a perceived risk to speak the truth as one knows it.

I could go on, but I’m boring myself.

I’d like to think that if a standard of behaviour was set by “community leaders” that it might be something adopted by all. My sense is that the increased interest I see in Leather, and in protocols has some link to a desire for predictable behaviour that carries with is communal consequences.

Abandoning my own blah, blah, blah…

!Kona

 

A friend of mine, EM, emailed me this week to rhetorically scream about engaging in fruitless battles on FetLife. The question prompting her email? Is Poly Queer. In this case it was heterosexuals appropriating the land queers stand on. “How do I get sucked into these things?” she asked.

I read and then giggled to myself. Oh those of the majority norm… not enough of you to hang out with? Feel like you need to stand on my piece of ground too? I told her: “you get yourself into these things because you are an UPPITY queer….”

And then tonight I got a message on FetLife looking for input on a Racism thread in the FetLife Rants section. So I hand to wander over. And then I had to respond. So I did. GAWD.

——————–

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From: Leather Journey

by Chris M (Black Rose) and Lady Medora (NOPE)

In fairness, we don’t want to suggest that leatherfolk are inherently rude people. The scene, as wonderful as it can be, contains many subtle and seldom discussed “stress factors” that contribute to uncivil behavior. Like water over a stone, these stress factors wear on the nerves year after year, thus setting the stage for impatience, irritation, depression, and the empathy deficit we have already discussed. These are the rudeness-producing rudeness that prompts retaliatory rudeness in return.

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Do you remember when you first saw this piece? It came to me in email what seems like loooong ago. I’ve thought about this because of experiences I had at conferences I’ve been travelling to over the past year and a half. I’ve looked for a way to get permission to re-print this. I’m not convinced that it is complete. But I don’t want to loose it because I think it has some important things to say.

I try to remember that the norms of civility differ from culture to culture, continent to continent, country to country, region to region, city to city, neighbourhood to neighbourhood, and social setting to social setting. It’s hard sometimes.

But i try to keep in mind that it is not my place to impede the journey of another physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually. I’m not always successful.

I am relentlessly, pathetically, gloriously, beautifully, tragically, gracefully…. human. And I strive to do the best I can each day, which sometimes ain’t a lot depending on the ruler, to be the best person I can. To be a better person as time goes by is something to strive towards.

Words like these are totally additive to that pursuit.

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February’s issue of Kink-e-Zine, honouring Black History Month, has just launched, & it has shaped up to be one of the biggest issues yet! For some of us, it’s a beautiful tribute, & for other it’s a valuable education—regardless, they are proud to present it to you.

Features on the inside:

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Seems like a lot of people have migrated in that direction. I’ve found myself increasingly in conversations wherein a person makes reference to or quotes FetLife or a person who posts there.

So strange.

Part of what is interesting to me is how CLEAR online space can twist the identity and purposes of who is present. There a few folks present who I have met or whom I know in real time who are making it a serious ground for ambition. Now… don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing wrong with ambition. And I have a certain respect for those who know how to play the game. It’s a voyeur sport for me. However, because I don’t play those games, when they come my way I get swallowed. I’m too blunt, clear, and truth-talking to be sly, manipulative and coy.

There a a few people I watch on there making strives, and serious gains at international attention or status. Will that work on those who know them in real life for who they are? Probably not. But for those with limited contact, it’s pretty easy to become a star or an authority through a few strokes on a keyboard. And for those who watch the rise to power regardless of their personal knowledge of where bodies are buried or what personal motives or ambitions move people… well for some of them, it’s a political move to stay quiet. And then there are the streams of toadies (hmmm… I should look up the etomology of that word before I use it hmmm?) that know and capitulate for personal gain.

Bah…. More thoughts but I’ve just bored myself.

!K

 

OMFG

I’m not admittng where I got this crazy link to a game that features a dom and her sub travelling through a dungeon, whipping their opponents and collecting various toys fo extra life and for use as weapons…

http://www.adultswim.com/games/game/index.html?game=dungeons

Loving it and the sound effects too…

 

Is it possible that my personal experience of prostituting my charge – which was very much based in D/s with all kinds of BDSM – wasn’t… real? authentic? wrong? what? What was I engaging in?

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Goodness… there certainly is a lot of the “Church of the One True Way” around… Can Pimps be Dominants? Can pimps/prostitutes be in the lifestyle?  YEESH. The people I talk to…

Do any of you KNOW any Sex Trade Workers? ‘Cause I know a pile. For some it is supplemental, others it is recreational, others it is a practice/craft, and for some it is about food and shelter. For some it is a mix. However, none of the people I know (females, males, M2F, F2M) are “street entrenched” which I **think** is where this conversation tends to be located without specification. The way I know these people? Through the local, PNW and international conference circuit’s BDSM community. Yes. There is representation of POCs in there too.
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The fact is that when a group of “friends” get together, they don’t have to think of anyone but themselves. They are friends. The fact that all of you move through the same dungeon doesn’t automatically make you their friend or make them yours. And their movement (hate the us vs them thing) doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with large “C” Community.

No one likes to be on the outside. And I speak as one who IS on the outside of one of those groups. I have some access, at different points through different people, but I know I’m not square in the middle. I don’t get invited to everything. I don’t join the movie watching parties. I don’t go on the shopping trips. And I’m OK with that. I can only manage so many friendships in my life. I only want so many people that I have to call and write and go to coffee with really. I’m a private person and my home is small so not many people have been to my house. And, frankly, there are people out there that I would eat a meal across from, but don’t want in my home. That doesn’t mean they are bad people or that I am either. Not everyone gets to see my messy kitchen, OK? Friendships either click or grow. What makes you think you should get an all access pass? And do you want EVERYONE you see in the dungeon to have one to your life?

Volunteer. Smile. Introduce yourself politely. Find ways to drop your name into conversations if you think the people you want to hang out with might not have your firmly in your mind. DON’T be obsequious. Ask a question. Provide an answer. Invite them to hang out with you and yours. Smile. Be sociable. Participate with pleasure. Be a team player. Ask how you can help instead expecting others to serve it up. The rules for getting “in” if that is what is important, aren’t any different than they are in the rest of the world.

And remember… just because we all share the same interests, and just because it is useful/fun/beneficial/politic etc for us to come together, doesn’t mean we have to send each other greeting cards for birthdays and during the holidays. And really, do you want to have close personal ties with EVERYONE in the dungeon? Or just that group over there that you perceive have something you don’t? Consider WHY it is you want what you do.

Cause if “Community” is just them…. what about me? Don’t I count too?

 

Message from Darque who is a person who posts over on the Yahoo Group for Black BDSMers: Dark Connections

Ok I ‘m pitching this one out to everyone that considers themselves a part of the Community. I’ve been looking at various posts, blogs and opinions and most of it is at the core complaining. Now venting can be theraputic but in the end sometimes a situation calls for actions.

Now I am not talking about anything grand actions on anyone’s part but what if each one of us did something, just something that uplifts or empowers the community. It can be attending a munch, actually being there to listen to someone, give someone pure advice, support a dungeon, reach out to one new person, let go of a grudge, anything pure of heart. Don’t do it to be seen, just do it because there was a need for it to be done. Do something and not take credit for it. Do something nice anonymously for someone. Just invest some pure goodwill.

I’m calling this Operation: Do Something, and if you believe in what I’m saying please use the graphic above and spread the word.

This community needs you, time to make it yours.

Darque

 

Currently I’ve got – as always – several on the go. In no particular order:

1. Black Wine – Candace Jane Dorsey

2. The Value in the Valley – Iyanla Vanzant

3. Bitch Goddess – edited by Pat Califia & Drew Campbell

4. Owned, Reflections of a Submissive – Toya

5. The Ethical Slut – Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt

6. A Guide to the Correction of Young Gentlemen, The Successful Administration of Physical Discipline to Males by Females – A Lady

 

Really? I mean… Really?

http://www.jesus21.com/content/sex/index.php?s=hankies

QUOTE:

In 1208 Christian armed forces attacked the town of Beziers, France slaughtering 20,000 men, women and children accused of heresy. When the commanding legate, Arnaud, was asked how to tell the heretics from the believers he answered, ‘Kill them all, let God sort them out.’ (1)

Today, as Christians migrate between boutique doctrines, sampling myriad designer beliefs it’s even MORE important to quickly discern the fiber of another’s faith. Borrowing, yet again, from the queer community we offer the following hanky code. This way you won’t accidently pray with the ‘wrong kind of people’ at the next PromiseKeeper’s Event.

Wear the appropriate hankies in either your left or right back pant’s pocket depending on your beliefs.

O….K…….

 

I’m getting all warmed up to go to Leather Reign. And of course I can’t sleep ’cause I have to take a bus at 5:30 a.m.

I’ve been having conversations lately with someone that centre around “Leather”. Recently we were talking about “Leather Families”. Not having had the option/opportunity to experience “Old Guard” gay men’s leather, my sense has come from readings, tellings and scant personal experience.

Do you you have a Leather Family? What makes it something that you woudl use those words to describe it? How did it come to be? Are they useful? Relevant? What does it look like? How does it operate? Initiation rites?

I appreciate that this may be deeply personal and request that if you are willing to share but not publicly, that you contact me directly.

I seven hours I’ll be embarking on a two-day theory conference of “Leather Life” called Leather Reign. I’m just getting started early with my thinking.

 

Went to the meeting last night. Everyone worked hard to ensure a smooth transition.

It was good though under attended. A steering committee was self-selected and a broad framework for moving forward was sketched out. There is progress and, in the room last night, an ABUNDANCE of good will.

I sent this to BIOEvents today:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Great job guys!

I have a few reference points for what you are doing, but still I know that I am unable to really appreciate how big a decision it is to give over something that you have invested so much time and energy into. Bravo for taking care of yourself after so many years of taking care of everyone else.

I look forward to being an active participant in the new VD (eeewwww!) organization and to supporting the endeavors that the two of you dream up in the YEARS to come.

Much success to you both. It has been earned with an abundance of sweat equity and is well deserved.

 

FINAL CALL OUT:
Community Meeting for Vancouver Dungeon

Date: Wednesday, July 4th
Time: 7:00
Location: Given with Confirmation of RSVP
Directions: Given with Confirmation of RSVP

This meeting is being held to elect a board for Vancouver Dungeon and for us to give details of what is being donated to the community.

If you would like to be a part of shaping the future of Vancouver Dungeon, this is the night to be present. If you can not make it in person, then send a proxy.

There will be limited space. Please RSVP by Tuesday, July 3rd.
We look forward to a good show of support and interest from the community.

Agenda points:

* What intelectual property is BIO giving the community.
* What internet property is BIO giving the community.
* BIO explains the marketing opportunities to Vancouver Dungeon.
* BIO’s offer of a start package for the initial events
* BIO’s offer of its advice and sugestions
* Election of a temporary board of directors
* Set the next meeting date, time and place.

 

VANCOUVER S/M GROUP LAUNCHES COMMUNITY NON-PROFIT ORGANIZATION

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

BIO Event Production, Vancouver’s largest alternative lifestyle event production company, announced on Saturday night its intention to launch Vancouver Dungeon as a separate, non-profit community organization in September, 2007. BIO will continue to operate independently as a commercial venture.

The first community-run play party will be in September 2007. Although BIO will remain at arm’s length to allow the community to run itself however it sees fit, co-directors Paul McEwan and Yvonne Tink suggest a proper board of directors be put in place with non-profit papers drawn to become a legal entity. BIO also strongly suggests involvement on the board only remain open to those not already in ownership of other adult oriented businesses to deter any issue of conflict of interest. McEwan and Tink look forward to offering any assistance in helping the community to set up and put things in place. The vancouverdungeon.com website has begun to reflect these changes and a new forum has just been added to the site.

McEwan and Tink stated that, “It is our belief that, as Vancouver grows into a World Class City, the Kink community becomes increasingly susceptible to the commercialization of sex spaces calling themselves communities.

“Even as small commercial spaces take hold, it is almost certain a larger entity from out of town will set up shop here in our fine city destroying ALL smaller operations entirely with its Walmart-ization wake, in response to the lack of quality spaces and as the changing kink-friendly legal landscape becomes known world wide?

McEwan says, “If Vancouver doesn?t have a strong, vibrant and real community in place then our only options will be those establishments that must remain loyal to paying customers and shareholders before the comfort and sometimes safety of others.

“We looked at how BIO operated Vancouver Dungeon as a community service and could see that we were doing what so many are already critical of others for doing – calling themselves a community while being a for-profit entity. Although we have always operated as a community-focused group donating time, equipment and money to non-profits within our community, we have been legally incorporated since 2004?

“The Vancouver Dungeon Play Parties have never lost money so we know it works,” says Tink.

This is why BIO will lend the ?Vancouver Dungeon? name to the community to run as a non-profit. Tink and McEwan can finally make this decision because of recent changes in the structure of BIO.

Vancouver Dungeon’s usual monthly parties will be canceled in July and August, 2007.

====================================

BACKGROUND:

BIO (By Invitation Only) Event Production is a pansexual organization devoted to creating safe spaces for expanding sexual exploration. It is the premiere destination for safe, sane and consensual BDSM, Kink, Fetish and Sex events in Vancouver. Founded in 2000, it presents social and educational events for kinky people, including monthly play parties, workshops, weekend conferences and presentations by alternative lifestyle figures like Fakir Musafar and Fetish Diva Midori. BIO?s name derives from practice of requiring people to phone or email in advance so they can enter play parties; BIO does not screen people for admission. BIO no longer does this due to the change in the legal landscape for sexual oriented events

BDSM is an acronym that combines Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission and Sado-Masochism.
Pansexual means accepting and inclusive of heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual and transgender people.

 

There’s a great survey at the end….

THE DOMINATRIX FACTOR

A little S&M on the job can take you a long way – No whips or chains are needed, but women with fantasies of getting ahead can put role-playing to smart use, a new book suggests

The Globe And Mail
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Page: C1
Section: Report On Business: Globe Careers
Byline: Marjo Johne
Source: SPECIAL TO THE GLOBE AND MAIL

MARJO JOHNE Special to The Globe and Mail

Her co-worker was being bad again, so Lisa Robyn set out to punish him.

Tired of his habit of keeping work-related problems a secret — and then letting everyone else clean up his mess — Ms. Robyn shamed him into ‘fessing up at the next meeting.

Exposed and penitent, her colleague fell to his knees in front of everyone, and begged Ms. Robyn’s forgiveness.

“That kneeling part made me laugh, because he was actually just joking,” Ms. Robyn recalls. “But the power — the feeling that I had complete domination over him — that was real.”

Ladies, say hello to the corporate dominatrix.
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