Service Topping

 Our Actions > BDSM  No Responses »
Mar 182009
 

You provide the services of a top as directed to those who request it. Nothing wrong with that.

I suppose there may be a few ways of looking at that:

There are those who would find what you do to be a type of bottoming in that you are following direction that is provided – sort of bottoming from the top. Most tops have done this in the past and will do it in the future to some degree or another.

There are those who would find what you do to be a perfect way to learn about how to top while figuring out what your personal, authentic style is. Lots of people go through that.

There are those who would say that what you do is lazy and opportunistic, and say it with a great big appreciative grin. It can be tough work to top!

There are those who would look at what you do and envy you that you are skilled and confident enough to provide a variety of women with good experiences.

And there are those…. blah, blah, blah…

The question is: are both you and your partner/s basically content?

 Posted by at 8:21 pm

Info Out: The history of BDSM

 Education, Our Actions > BDSM  1 Response »
Mar 052009
 

REALLY looking forward to going to this with an elder kinkster friend of mine. The Art of Loving, a retailer of adult products here in Vancouver, presents the History of Consensual Sadomasochism, a presentation by Peter Tupper.

History like you never learned it in school! From the marriage rites of ancient Rome to the worldwide fetish subculture, the history of BDSM is full of fascinating characters and unexpected connections. Learn about the men who gave their names to sadism and masochism and the maid who proudly called herself a collared slave.

Peter Tupper is a writer and journalist, who has been involved in the Vancouver BDSM scene for twelve years and who blogs over at Beauty in Darkness. He also serves as the vice-president of Metro Vancouver Kink.

Tuesday, March 10th, 7:30pm-9:30pm
Admission is $15.
Location: The Art of Loving, 1819 W.5th Avenue and Burrard, Vancouver, B
Pre-registration is a MUST. Email info@theartofloving.ca or phone 604-742-9988

Fore those in Seattle you can also check out what he’s doing:

Saturday, March 14th, 4pm-6pm
Admission is $20.
Center for Sex Positive Culture, 1602 – 15th Avenue West, Seattle, WA
Pre-registration is a MUST. See www.sexpositiveculture.org or call 206-270-9746

 Posted by at 9:19 am  Tagged with:

It’s a team sport

 Our Actions > BDSM, Reflections & Ruminations  No Responses »
Dec 122008
 

I’ve always said that SM is a team sport. Except for when it’s not Smile

I love lending energy through appreciative watching, by playing lube/glove/condom girl or full on cheering/egging on the action.

I love a good group scene. The planning over cocktails and pizza; the psychological tormenting of the victim/s (err… objects of affection); laughter… OH! the laughter!

Regardless of how it goes it’s a bonding thing. Tales to tell in the future and truth to embellish with glee.

And when full on scening isn’t available, I’ve had good fun doing “clinics” wherein skills are exchanged. In my experience there is still much laughter at moments like that.

I recommend them. And if the group you usually hang with seems a bit complacent… find an outsider to bring in and terorrize. Heh.

 Posted by at 3:06 am  Tagged with:

A Place Where Race and BDSM Intersect

 Our Actions > BDSM, Writings on Race  No Responses »
Nov 262008
 

I’ve been screaming about the intersection of race and BDSM for a bit (not as loud as some though!) Even at this past weekend’s event I brought it up. No surprise when it came to the response of the participants. One of the presenters, Rope, who is Native American, lobbed a word or two in at different points too. I aspire to her grace in dropping and moving on.

Came across this wonderful thing that I think I just MUST attend:

Continue reading »

 Posted by at 9:06 am  Tagged with: , , , , , ,

Black Men Playing With Men

 Dykes, Sapphists & Other Cousins, Our Actions > BDSM, Sex & Gender, Writings on Race  No Responses »
Jun 012008
 

May I stand beside you and help hold space as an ally?

I asked this of a woman on a forum who was being given a hard, hard time by some of the members.

As a dyke, I found the conversation disturbing and alienating. It reminded me of conversations with white people about race. It didn’t feel safe. If I was a black gay man or a straight man who played with men, and I had any personal agency, I would have been cautious about outing myself on that particular board based on what I’d been reading.

I’ve dated/had in service, men, women, M2Fs and F2Ms. They are people. I’ve been looking for names of the International Master/Slave from – I believe – 2002. Gay man with a Dyke in service. LOVELY people with no question in theor mind or in that of others. And I’m pretty certain that one of the ways she served was to provide oral service… A good friend of mine who identifies as Straight (he really is) had a dyke in service whom he used sexually. She was no less a dyke for serving her master as he wished.

I couldn’t understand why I was seeing a debate rather than an attempt at understanding. If one is a straight identified man who engages in SM with other men or CDs ot TGs… why does anyone else care? Why is anyone else invested in defining your identity? If that same man is playing “”sexually”, with any of those same people, again, I ask… why all the the care and investment?

Who does it threaten? Advantage? Disadvantage? The local of the discussion seems awfully homo/transphobic to me.  Gender, sex, and sexual orientation may overlap… but they don’t have to. Genitals are not the final arbiter and neither is the activity that involves or does not involve them. The locus of identity is not from the point of view of the observer but from the subject!

Oh. And what about women? How come there is no issue there? Huh? ‘Cause it’s sexy? Hawt? What?

Less judgment more questions and listening.

YEESH.

 Posted by at 1:12 am  Tagged with: , , , , ,

On the Edge doesn’t have to Equal Abuse

 Our Actions > BDSM, Our Thoughts > D/s & M/s, Sex & Gender  No Responses »
Mar 142008
 

I go to public parties around town and before my friend -rl- got a hold of the DM team there was judgment and questioning about certain activities. Was it UNSAFE. Not always. Nope. Not at all. I actually remember a “you didn’t warm her up” admonishment.” Yeah. Oh! Did that flogger wrap? For some that is abuse, for some, that is hawt.

Devil’s Advocate as always.

Now, if part of what D/s tops and bottoms come together for is a touch of fear, and edge and to have boundaries pushed, then that statement from Bonnie *may* have very little substance to it. I don’t know. I recently had a boi I am playing with occasionally, state what she was capable of. Upon further exploration, it wasn’t about capability it was about limited experience, fantasy fear, and socially inscribed notions of what was appropriate. Well… Mama pushed past THAT! And there was thanks in the moment and continues to be thanks and there are requests to go further.

Tops aren’t perfect in D/s but neither are the person we play with. Errors in judgment can be made on both sides. And frankly, when it comes to emotional abuse, dominants aren’t the only ones who can dish it out frankly. I know a few submissive who are SKILLED at non-consensually **topping** a room or their partners.

The statement in Elaine’s scenario which tips the balance of what is going on is: “Toppy Tasha is scathingly dismissive of Bottom Bonnie’s ideas and theories, yet they’re not in a D/s playspace when this happens” There are a few assumptions to be worked out for me.

I think there is a deeper issue here frankly. One of how we attain knowledge to do the things we do. How many of us who engage in it flailed around on their own (top or bottom) with out guidance or best practices or mentors, etc. There’s a lot of trial and error out there informed by online life and one-handed reading.

That’s it for me. I gotta go to work.

 Posted by at 9:21 pm  Tagged with: , , , ,

Dental Fetish? No thanks.

 Our Actions > BDSM  No Responses »
May 172006
 

Dentists are hoorible. Think about it…

They have the highest suicide rate of any profession. And when I worked for a provincial human rights agency, I was surprised to see how many complaints of harassment (of a type not covered by the code, which is to say personal and not based on a specific ground) came from dentists. *shiver*

That combined with the fact that they are poking around in my HEAD where 4 of my 5 senses are irreplacably located PLUS my BRAIN.

Yeah. Dentists. Good fetish.

Bring on the fucking leeches man.

 Posted by at 1:23 pm  Tagged with: , ,

Top Drop

 Our Actions > BDSM, Our Thoughts > D/s & M/s, Self-Indulgent  No Responses »
Feb 052006
 

When I drop, I become, crabby and irritable and non-communicative. I don’t want anyone around me and I don’t want to talk to anyone in person or on the phone. It’s kinda like a bad depressive state. I wanna drink, I wanna sleep and I wanna watch bad TV with junk food.

Now that I know this about myself (it took awhile, believe me) I am on the lookout for signs and do the best I can to take care of myself. Which doesn’t necessarily mean giving into the bad behaviours I want.

 Posted by at 8:26 pm  Tagged with: ,

Modifying BDSM practices

 Education, Our Actions > BDSM, Our Thoughts > D/s & M/s  No Responses »
Dec 282005
 

I’ve been thinking A LOT about how there are lots of workshops at lots of conferences dealing with BDSM 101, 201, 301, etc. But I have never seen anything about modified BDSM practices. And that is not only from the stand point of those who are aging, but for those who have temporary, long term or permanent disabilities/conditions which might impact play.

For this reason I continue to advocate that there be more sharing, workshopping, etc of lifestyle dynamics. Cause a person may not be able to take a flogging, they can still say “Thank you Daddy”, or “Ma’am may I please…” etc.

So I may not wear leather (or a corset) but I still hope to be kinky as hell in mind and spirit even if my body is not willing or able.

 Posted by at 12:02 pm  Tagged with: , , , , ,

Size means nothing

 Our Actions > BDSM, Self-Indulgent  No Responses »
Dec 012005
 

I’m smallish in size (5’1″ and 160 lbs) But I’m big when it comes to torment! Being small means that there are times when F/folks underestiment what I am capable of. Wink

On the other hand, there are times where I steadfastly insist that because I’m little… there’s Ab-sol-lute-ly No-thing to be afraid of… heheheheh…

“I’m just little! How much of a threat could I possibly be?”Twisted Evil

 Posted by at 10:17 am  Tagged with: , , ,
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