Whining about “Community”

The fact is that when a group of “friends” get together, they don’t have to think of anyone but themselves. They are friends. The fact that all of you move through the same dungeon doesn’t automatically make you their friend or make them yours. And their movement (hate the us vs them thing) doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with large “C” Community.

No one likes to be on the outside. And I speak as one who IS on the outside of one of those groups. I have some access, at different points through different people, but I know I’m not square in the middle. I don’t get invited to everything. I don’t join the movie watching parties. I don’t go on the shopping trips. And I’m OK with that. I can only manage so many friendships in my life. I only want so many people that I have to call and write and go to coffee with really. I’m a private person and my home is small so not many people have been to my house. And, frankly, there are people out there that I would eat a meal across from, but don’t want in my home. That doesn’t mean they are bad people or that I am either. Not everyone gets to see my messy kitchen, OK? Friendships either click or grow. What makes you think you should get an all access pass? And do you want EVERYONE you see in the dungeon to have one to your life?

Volunteer. Smile. Introduce yourself politely. Find ways to drop your name into conversations if you think the people you want to hang out with might not have your firmly in your mind. DON’T be obsequious. Ask a question. Provide an answer. Invite them to hang out with you and yours. Smile. Be sociable. Participate with pleasure. Be a team player. Ask how you can help instead expecting others to serve it up. The rules for getting “in” if that is what is important, aren’t any different than they are in the rest of the world.

And remember… just because we all share the same interests, and just because it is useful/fun/beneficial/politic etc for us to come together, doesn’t mean we have to send each other greeting cards for birthdays and during the holidays. And really, do you want to have close personal ties with EVERYONE in the dungeon? Or just that group over there that you perceive have something you don’t? Consider WHY it is you want what you do.

Cause if “Community” is just them…. what about me? Don’t I count too?