On the Edge doesn't have to Equal Abuse

I go to public parties around town and before my friend -rl- got a hold of the DM team there was judgment and questioning about certain activities. Was it UNSAFE. Not always. Nope. Not at all. I actually remember a “you didn’t warm her up” admonishment.” Yeah. Oh! Did that flogger wrap? For some that is abuse, for some, that is hawt.

Devil’s Advocate as always.

Now, if part of what D/s tops and bottoms come together for is a touch of fear, and edge and to have boundaries pushed, then that statement from Bonnie *may* have very little substance to it. I don’t know. I recently had a boi I am playing with occasionally, state what she was capable of. Upon further exploration, it wasn’t about capability it was about limited experience, fantasy fear, and socially inscribed notions of what was appropriate. Well… Mama pushed past THAT! And there was thanks in the moment and continues to be thanks and there are requests to go further.

Tops aren’t perfect in D/s but neither are the person we play with. Errors in judgment can be made on both sides. And frankly, when it comes to emotional abuse, dominants aren’t the only ones who can dish it out frankly. I know a few submissive who are SKILLED at non-consensually **topping** a room or their partners.

The statement in Elaine’s scenario which tips the balance of what is going on is: “Toppy Tasha is scathingly dismissive of Bottom Bonnie’s ideas and theories, yet they’re not in a D/s playspace when this happens” There are a few assumptions to be worked out for me.

I think there is a deeper issue here frankly. One of how we attain knowledge to do the things we do. How many of us who engage in it flailed around on their own (top or bottom) with out guidance or best practices or mentors, etc. There’s a lot of trial and error out there informed by online life and one-handed reading.

That’s it for me. I gotta go to work.