Lady Kona, Nubian Imp & Tormentrix

Black Men Playing With Men

May I stand beside you and help hold space as an ally?

I asked this of a woman on a forum who was being given a hard, hard time by some of the members.

As a dyke, I found the conversation disturbing and alienating. It reminded me of conversations with white people about race. It didn’t feel safe. If I was a black gay man or a straight man who played with men, and I had any personal agency, I would have been cautious about outing myself on that particular board based on what I’d been reading.

I’ve dated/had in service, men, women, M2Fs and F2Ms. They are people. I’ve been looking for names of the International Master/Slave from – I believe – 2002. Gay man with a Dyke in service. LOVELY people with no question in theor mind or in that of others. And I’m pretty certain that one of the ways she served was to provide oral service… A good friend of mine who identifies as Straight (he really is) had a dyke in service whom he used sexually. She was no less a dyke for serving her master as he wished.

I couldn’t understand why I was seeing a debate rather than an attempt at understanding. If one is a straight identified man who engages in SM with other men or CDs ot TGs… why does anyone else care? Why is anyone else invested in defining your identity? If that same man is playing “”sexually”, with any of those same people, again, I ask… why all the the care and investment?

Who does it threaten? Advantage? Disadvantage? The local of the discussion seems awfully homo/transphobic to me.  Gender, sex, and sexual orientation may overlap… but they don’t have to. Genitals are not the final arbiter and neither is the activity that involves or does not involve them. The locus of identity is not from the point of view of the observer but from the subject!

Oh. And what about women? How come there is no issue there? Huh? ‘Cause it’s sexy? Hawt? What?

Less judgment more questions and listening.

YEESH.