Trans Inclusion in Dyke Space

Recently I’ve been part of online discussions about what happens when the conect of women’s only space gets moved online.

What happens when a group of “women” begin to speak about how transitional persons touch their lives? I’ll tell ya…. all hell breaks loose. People step forward who are moving along the spectrum or who are engaged on some level with those persons to declare hurt feelings and a sense of exclusion or silence. Temperatures rise and the word Transphobia gets batted about.

And this SUCKS as far as I’m concerned.

It sucks because I think it is important for women to be able to work out their thoughts and feelings without having to censor themselves or be in danger of offending/hurting the transitional folk we hang out with, love and fuck. And I don’t see many places where that is possible currently. I thought, that I had found a place. I still think there is room for me in that place. I thought that it might be a spot that regardless of who was present, at the end of the day that the respecting of a space for WOMEN would trump all. Which to me means that those along the male gender spectrum won’t be silencing us, accusing us, trying to make us accountable to them etc. That defense won’t have to come into play.

And it sucks because in my world alone I know four dykes who are transitioning and I still want then around and part of my life and I DONT’T want those that I know who are around me and active in my world to GO AWAY. Being a lover of the multi-plexity of the world I live in (and acknowleging the complexity of my own past and present fucking, dating, loving history), I want to find a way or a place where conversations can happen.

Personally, I have shit to work out. And I’d like to do that with women and I’d like to do that with the transitional folk, and I’d like to do that in combination too. The day that this was breaking out in my world I was visiting with a friend and I said that I was having a day where I was hating transmen. I said a few things about that and I know that she made some assumptions about what and who and I realized that I couldn’t have this conversation because of her particular situation and I stopped. And I had this moment of clarity around my need to speak and to work things in my brain out with other LeatherDykes. Do I still have a hate on? No. I never did really. But I did and I do have some strong feelings about certain things. And sometimes i need tot squeeze my spleen.

Having said ALL that… lordy… I can’t believe I’m thinking and typing. I’m gonna hate myself when I read this in 6 months… Having said ALL that, the fact that people are invited to self-identify when it comes to women’s spaces seems like the best world possible. And if I don’t like the look of that moo-moo or the plumber’s crack I see, that’s OK. And just ’cause I like more/less cleavage than someone else doesn’t make either of us anything other than people who see things differently. ‘Cause the world would be a lot less interesting if we all fit into the same boxes and we’d learn a lot less about ourselves and each other.

Perhaps there needs to be common, related spaces online and in the meat world for transitional folk, or space for female identified people, or for the SOFFAs (Significant Others, Friends, Families and Allies) – oh my FUCKING GAWD I hate that term – to work through some of this so that one doesn’t have to encounter unexpected poo as they navigate this space.

I think agreements can be forged and I think that this can all be worked out and I wish that there were more places to have this discussion. ‘Cause I’m prepared to sign my shit no matter how bad/good it smells.

And now I’m bracing for incoming and possible exiting…