Bad Dates in our Community

So I was having a conversation with a dear friend of mine last night about personal and community responsibility and how that ties into ones integrity.

The question at hand had to do with bad dates of the moment; individuals who have patterns of behaviour which might lead to a bad date; and individuals who behave in ways which are intermittent/ongoing verbal, physical and/or sexually abusive.

D/s and it’s water muddying complications were NOT part of the context.

Being inclined to separate people from their behaviour, I to look at the bad date and say: is this behaviour about who they are as a person, or is this about outside influences (drugs, PMS, stress, etc.)

If it is about a person’s essential nature, I’m inclined to say “good riddance to bad rubbish” both personally and for the health and safety of my community. And watch me run my mouth at will!

If it is about outside influences, I’m inclined to say: “I’m withholding contact, here are your boundaries, and don’t expect a favourable reference from me.”

The issue at hand was this second scenario. What is the obligation on behalf of the individual and to others in our community? We debated when, whether, under what circumstances, and how one should act – both from self protection and community protection stances.

Moving on from that, a person who finds themselves on the side of being the “bad date” how does that person recover with both the individual and in the face of the community? Is there a way to restore one’s honour?

As a member of the community, what does one do with bad date info? How does one determine truthfulness and how does one respond? What about continued transmission of the information?

What part do references play (providing, withholding, checking, etc)?